Speaking Out on Nate

Okay, what the FUCK is going on with spam now?

I get that a sign of success on the interwebs is spam and I have been getting more than enough of late.  Mostly from some Facebook spamming account, one spam per four posts that I have written, so I got a shitload of spam.  I don’t know why Akismet didn’t notice the pattern and shut them down, but they did catch all 100+.  The hair creams, the take this pill to get a boner, and even payday loans I get.  Not that I need help with the hair, I really need a hair cut because I am starting to resemble Yahoo Serious, and I don’t need help with the boner either, but thanks for thinking of me.  I would say I could use help with the payday loan, but if I want to give my money away I will just go gamble it away.  I get those types of spam.   What I don’t get is the spam I have gotten over the the last two days, which I can only describe as motivational spam.  Spam with a message designed to get me to do something…which turned out to be this blog.

Yesterday, I got this from death_cab666 “I have a ridiculous crush on you.”  Why thank you unknown individual or computer with a very non-crushable name.  Before you send out messages announcing your crushes on people, random email addresses or computers perhaps you should remove all references to death and satan.  Just saying.  I may have been intrigued if the sender had been big_boobies69 or wet_for_you, alas I get the death cult spammer.

Today, I got this from miscellaneous letters and numbers crammed together dot org, “Hey, you used to write superb, but the last couple of posts have been kinda boring! K I miss your super writings.  Past couple of posts are just a bit out of track! Come on!”  First, let me say thank you.  I am glad that you used to find my writings superb.  Why you didn’t spam me previously to let me know this, I don’t know.  Maybe you are defeatist spam and only spam when your heroes have fallen.  I get that, people do like to see others stumble.  So, thank you for noticing that I used to write superb.  I like to think of my writing as sub-par or needs improvement, but that someone, even spam, thinks of it as superb makes me smile. Then, I read the rest of your message.  My last couple of posts have been kinda boring?  Ugh, I put a lot of thought into Dependable Toilet, it’s not like Mr. Dependable just grows on toilet seats, someone had to put it there and then find it funny and then snap a picture with Phoney and the put it here for all you to go, “What the FUCK!”  Be honest, when you saw that giant girthy purple cock on a toilet seat that was your first reaction or was it “Ewwww.”

That is hardly boring.  Project Kinky: Going For Gold, how could you find that boring, unless you don’t like orgasms.  That must be it, miscellaneous letters and numbers crammed together dot org spam is not getting any.  I understand.  Nobody has jammed anything into your port in a while.  Well, since I am solutions oriented, I calmly suggest that you take the matter into your own…what does spam have…ah, processors.    If no one will jam anything into your ports, take it upon yourself to let your processors remember what it was like when people were using your ports all of the time; the flow of information back and forth, back and forth again, slick and quick with a wide open data stream.

See that was getting me pretty hot and I’m not even a computer.