But I Don’t Wanna…

23 Feb 2013 19 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Guidelines Tags: , , , , , , ,

Spongebob CoffeeSeattlepolychick wants me to answer some questions, but in the words of my boy “I don’t wanna.” :)   Okay that is far from the truth, I like getting questions especially if I can answer them, they are in multiple choice, about something I know about, and there is an incentive.  So I will answer these even though she offered to drink coffee with me…ick…no coffee here. :)

Spongebob MapWHERE WERE YOU BORN?

The answer depends upon who in my family you talk to, how much they have had to drink or smoke, and whether you can read my birth certificate.  I have been told Ann Arbor and I have been told some place higher up in the thumb.  I will go with Michigan.  If you believe the few people who have screamed at me that I am the anti-Christ then somewhere in Hell, which also happens to be in Michigan.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER SOMEONE?

Again, this depends upon who in my family you talk to, how much they have had to drink or smoke, and whether you care.  My father often says Nathan Hale.  Which often made me think of Alan Hale who played the Skipper on Gilligan’s Island a much maligned show.  In my view I was named after nobody other than the happy coincidence that strikes all parents trying to decide what to name their spawn.

IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?

Two, but many of you know that.  For those who like reading stories about them I highly suggest you head over to Speaking Out on Life where there are many stories about them.

HOW MANY PETS DO YOU HAVE?

None that I can speak publically about.

Shaun WhiteYOUR WORST INJURY?

Inflicted upon me: Food Poisoning by Jimmy John’s.

Self-Inflicted: Permanently sprained ankle due to Shaun White Snowboarding on the Wii, but I beat that fucking game!  Can you say that?

Captain HammerDO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

Nothing more than the average person with delusions of grandeur.  I am an Agent of Change.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING TO BAKE?

I cannot bake.  I have tried to bake several times.  There are no success stories there are only funny stories, such as the pre-made cookies that come in a tube that ended up as thin as sheet of paper and burned.  Barb reminded me of this: I couldn’t even make a no-bake pie.

FAVORITE FAST FOOD?

I don’t like fast food as currently defined, upsets my stomach and I feel spiritually corrupted.  If I can go to a sit down diner and get a gyro or French dip sandwich that is my version of fast food.  Oh, I forgot biscuits and gravy.  Big sucker for those.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Yes, as long as there was a huge pile of Ferris fucktards at the bottom to soften my landing should the rubber band break.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

How many times and where I have to hit them to incapacitate them in case of trouble.  No lie.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Over five years ago.  Before that close to decade.

ANY CURRENT WORRIES?

Will I get financial aid to finish this “wondrous” experiment called getting a degree.  Will I get fed up having to fight each and every semester with the school and just walk away.

NAME 3 DRINKS THAT YOU DRINK REGULARLY?

Coke, water, and milk.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK?

Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential, because if someone with his background can get up and make something of themselves so can I.  A close second, Fight Club because sometimes I want to take a break and let someone else drive me for a while.

SpongeBob PirateWOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A PIRATE?

Nope.  Too much work for too little loot and I like to shower regularly.

FAVORITE SMELLS?

Lilacs reminds me of the scent of a woman.  The scent of a woman.  Lemon.  Lime.  Cooking food.

WHY DO YOU BLOG?

I started out blogging because I needed a place to write that was more than the weekly ramblings that I used to send out.  I write in general because I love to write.  When I write with a message it is because I believe in what I am saying.  I have learned that people do like what I write and that makes me feel good about me and my writing.  I have learned that I have something to offer to other people through my writing, what I have learned over the past 42 years and I like to help where I can.

Marilyn MansonWHAT SONG DO YOU WANT PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Start with First Impresson by Ice-T from Original Gangster.  Then Personal Jesus by Marilyn Manson off of Lest We Forget.  Then Lunchbox also by Marilyn Manson.  Then Sanctified by NIN off of Pretty Hate Machine.  Then March of the Pigs also by NIN off of The Downward Spiral.  Then Ich Bin Ein Auslander by Pop Will Eat Itself off of Dos Dedos Mis Amiegos.  Then to calm things down Cities in Dust by Everlove.  Followed by Reptile by NIN.  Then Hurt also by NIN.  Then Tainted Love by Marilyn Manson.  Nearing the end now…Closer by NIN and because I like to make people go “WHAT the FUCK?!” even in death end with Poker Face by Lady Gaga.  You may now enjoy my demise. :)    See also I Don’t Think You Want To Know These Things

WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

You tell me? :)

FAVORITE HOBBY?

Playing games.

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND?

Honesty.  Makes me laugh.  Makes me think.  A good companion.  Someone that other people can go to about me.

NAME SOMETHING YOU’VE DONE THAT YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D DO?

Stay at Ferris for more than that first semester.

FAVORITE FUN THINGS TO DO?

Play games with my kids.  Play with Barb.  Play with myself…wait…nah I will stick with that.  Think.  Paint.  Write, write, and write some more.  Cook.  Assist people.

ANY PET PEEVES?

In which order would you like them?  I would suggest you read my blog and you will quickly get an idea of what pisses me off more than I piss myself off.

WHAT’S THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU LAUGH?

Barb: “Vampires killed the goat?” while playing Skyrim and walking into Falkreach where a dragon and vampires had attacked.

Now with some glee I will choose some people that I want to see how they answer these questions.  Thank you Seattlepolychick for picking me to answer these questions, seems I wanted to after all.  If anyone wants to know more, just ask, I have Research Monkey on hand ready and waiting.

Temperature’s Rising

Crazy in Suburbia

Invisible Girl vs The World

Lovemen.org

I am An Afterschool Special

Keeping My Mouth Shut

12 Feb 2013 2 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Guidelines Tags: , , ,

Who is up for math?

I know, but suck it up will ya.

Step 1: Solve for X

30 – 16 = 14

14 – 6 = 8

8 – 2 people sleeping – 1 person walking out = 5 to 6 (6 only if person does not walk out think of that as a variable.)

50% of the remaining total is successful at a task, that leaves what amount?

…

…

…

What answer did you come up with?

If you said 2 to 3 depending upon the variable you are correct.  If you got anything other than 2 to 3 you might want to seek out some mathematical assistance. :)

Step 2: X = Problem

If a person says to you “Only 50% of the people passed the given task, what do you think is the problem?”

What would your response be?

Mine was, “Are you sure you want to know?  Do you want to hear the truth?”

“Yes”

Cue ominous music and darkening clouds, maybe even a clash of thunder in the distance.

Step 3: Problem Resolution…sort of

I am pretty sure that most of you have not read most of my blogs.  I do not blame you, but in the Guidelines category there is a blog titled Don’t Ask and I Won’t Tell.  This is an important piece of information for anyone to know about me.  I lack the basic ability to NOT respond when asked a question.  I have developed a trigger-warning response which is supposed to let the questioner know that they are approaching a line and at the same time giving me an all clear signal.

If you ask a question and I respond, “Are you sure you want to know?” You are being warned that I do have an answer and that I am subconsciously aware that my answer will cause you injury, BUT I am incapable of not giving my answer.  If you respond, no.  Then I will keep quiet.  If you respond, yes.  Then you reap what you sow.

  • I do not pull punches.
  • I do not beat around the bush.
  • I do not take your feelings into consideration when responding.
  • I give you MY response to the question.  If I have additional information or supporting evidence I will give that as well.
  • I spend my time watching everything and everyone around me.  I am aware of a lot of things that you may not be.
  • I have spent a lifetime learning to only give responses that I know are right.  However, if my response is incorrect I will learn and get the response correctly.

Do NOT do any of the following when I am responding:

  • Try to act offended.
  • Cry.
  • Weep.
  • Get pissy.
  • Change the subject or even worse try to flip the answer on me.

MOST importantly do NOT get angry, irritated, pissed-off, or other wise offended at me because of my answer.  You asked, I warned, you decided to tempt your fate.

I do not agonize over my blunt, to the point, harsh, honest responses UNLESS in some way the person I am talking to implies that my response will cause someone else a problem.  Example: If I give you a response and you even hint “Well that person…” you have indicated to me that in your head my response and the repercussions therein will also apply to that person.  DO NOT DO THAT!  You have a whole new problem, you have angered me.

I am very verbally skilled.  If you think I can write well, then you have an inkling of my verbal skills.

That in a nutshell was a large part of my day.  A problem arose, the question was asked, I gave my warning, I got an affirmative, and then BOOM!  I do not understand how some people who are in leadership positions can be so non-observant especially when the evidence is right in front of them.  I am sure eyes are open now.

Reader Input Requested, Please

02 Jan 2013 6 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Guidelines Tags: , , , ,

How do I start this?

Yesterday, I posted I Would Reflect Upon the Past Year but My Hair is a Mess, near the end I mentioned that I would really like to get more input on many of the blogs that I write, in particular the Kinky Fuckery series, but wasn’t sure how to go about doing that.  My gears were already turning on the subject, but going nowhere, then along came Seattlepolychick (seriously if you have not looked at her blog by now please take a moment and do so).  Between the conversation with her (see the comments) and one with Barb at the same time I think we (meaning all of us) have come up with a potential idea or two that would not only generate information useful to me, but to other people as well, but potentially reward participants.

The core of the idea-process would be that each month I would post questions and/or thoughts that I want your answers, feedback, and thoughts about as a page (that bar on the top that starts with Home).  The page would remain up for 30 days, giving anyone plenty of time to respond.  You could respond as you saw fit in the comments section, send me an email if you want your information to be private or you have a lot to say, or join a Facebook group where the discussion could unfold among the other members of the group.

While the original thought was to use this only for Kinky Fuckery after talking to Barb and Seattlepolychick I would not stick only to questions about sex, but open them up to food, life, and other subjects as they arose.  Hopefully, this would get more people to participate, even on subjects that they might not normally be inclined to discuss.  A benefit that I see from this is that anyone could use the discussions for their own blogs, which to me would be very cool.  As further incentive to take part, Barb suggested that people who responded to all of the questions and thoughts would be entitled to a 10% off coupon code for either her Etsy Jewelry shop or to my Etsy Duck Tape shop.

All of this is well and good as a plan, but what I would like to find out is a rough guess as to how many people think that they would take part.  If this is something that you think you would take part in please contact me, either in the comments, hitting like, or at ankuko@aol.com.  If you have anything you would like to add to the on-going discussion please speak up.  The more input the better.

Thank you.

P.S. The next post should answer the question about me and sharing…I hope. :)

Non-Verbal

25 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Guidelines Tags: , , , , ,

I don’t have a voice or at least one that I feel like using.  My voice has gone from something  that I find annoying (I don’t listen to recordings of myself nor do I allow film of me…if anyone or thing is going to take my soul I get first dibs) to a very quiet, raspy whisper that might be cool if I smoked cigarettes, was a villain in a bad movie (not that I would be a bad villain, I would make an awesome villain, just the movie is bad, minus me of course), had a foreign accent, or was Darth Vader.  Talking hurts.  After writing, talking is my primary form of communication.  Around the house “Dad voice” is the primary variant.  I cannot use “Dad voice” and without “Dad voice” anarchy reigns.

I do not like anarchy.  At least not from my children.

Turns out without a voice that I have some pretty good non-verbal communication skills.  It helps that I am a scary individual, especially when I am not feeling well.

The finger snap: Used to get attention.  Interestingly enough only the person that I am snapping at looks, the rest don’t look or try to look like they are not looking.

The clap: A general attention getter.

The point: The point usually follows the finger snap or the clap.  I gesture at person and then gesture at where they should go, this is not to be confused with the bird variant of the point, if needed I use the emphatic point which involves a more forceful pointing motion.

The gesture: The gesture is a catch-all for term for any non-pointing motion I might make, such as the choke, the feed, the get, the go-away, the frustrated because you haven’t figured out that I cannot respond to your questions, the I don’t know, I’m hungry, or anything else that the point does not cover.

The thumbs up: Used to indicate success, pleasure, or good job.

The smile, the smirk, the frown and the angry face: Happy Nathan, Smart-Ass Nathan, Sad Nathan and Dad-is-not-Happy Nathan facial gestures.

The shrug: I don’t know.  I don’t care.

The kick: Get your ass in gear before I shove my foot up your ass and start pushing on the gas to get you in gear.

The hip-thrust: Used to indicate desire or there is a sale on something I want.

The stare, the glare, and death gaze: Used as modifiers to non-verbal communication, usually to indicate “are you stupid,” “get to work,” “stop now,” or “time is up.”

Since I have adopted non-verbal communication as my primary method of communication, there have been less misunderstandings, less fights, and over all a lot quieter around here.  I am thinking that if this works here that I try it out at school, after all I stare, glare, and death gaze at most of the students now, so snapping my fingers, pointing, and the rest only seem a short way to go.

FUN!

13 Oct 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Guidelines Tags: , , , ,

Dedication: To every stressed out adult out there who has forgotten what is best in life or needs a reminder. *

“What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

At least that is Conan the Barbarian’s definition of what is best in life.

When I was asked, “What I thought was most important in life.”  Without hesitation, my answer was fun.  “Fun,” was the shocked response!  I’m not surprised, after all after a certain age, people tend to relegate fun into something that they are either entitled too (weekends or vacation), something they have to do (I have to seem fun), or something that adults do not do (I’m too old for that).  Fun gets shoved aside for everything else.  Sad.

F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for you and me.

N is for anytime and anywhere at all.

Spongebob has FUN right.  Spongebob gets the idea.

I tried to explain why I believe that fun is the most important thing in life, but I could tell that I was not, in the abbreviated amount of time I had, getting my point across.  I am pretty sure, upon reflection of the conversation, I came across as an eccentric cynic or a thoroughly touched-in-the-head individual.  Now that I have the time and space, here is what I was trying to explain:

Friends come and go.  

You will make and lose friends for your entire life.  There is nothing that you can do other than be the best person-friend that you can be, and even if you are the best, friends will leave and new friends will arrive.

Family comes and goes.  

Even though family is a finite resource, family members are people and disagreements will arise.  There will be times when you don’t talk to your family, where you don’t see them, and then all will be forgiven, until the next disagreement.

Love comes and goes. 

Love is fleeting, love comes and goes like the tide.  You can be in love one moment, out the next, and back in love later.  Love is not guaranteed even in relationships, sometimes you fall out of love…hopefully you fall back in.

Money comes and goes. 

There is never enough money.  Boom and bust is the cycle, even if you have “enough” you could always use more for “something.”

Power comes and goes.

Do I really need to go on?  Everything comes and goes.

But fun is always there.  You can have fun at anytime, anywhere.  Fun is yours.  Fun is totally under your control.  If you are not having fun, then stop, and find something to do that is fun.  If someone tells you to stop having fun, go away from them and resume fun. Do I care what you think is fun, not unless what you are thinking of doing is harmful to yourself or another person.  Fun is not harmful.  What you should do, is do something that you find fun everyday, every chance that you get.  But why?

  • Fun is relaxing.
  • Fun will reduce your stress level.
  • Fun can provide you with some perspective.
  • Fun will put a smile on your face.
  • Fun is fun!

If you are feeling stressed out, pulled in too many directions, can’t seem to focus on what you are doing, need a break, want to smile, or bored then take 15 minutes or a half-hour, if you have the time to spare, and do something that you find fun.  Even better, if you know someone that is suffering from any of the above, invite them to have fun with you.  If fun is good by yourself, fun is even better when shared with a friend.

Want to know what I do for fun?  Sure you do:

  • Write
  • Cook
  • Read
  • Play

And I know that you can do any of those things and more.  So the next time you have some free time or need a break or for any reason at all go out and have some fun.  Better yet, get a friend or friends together have a lot of fun.  You will thank yourself later.

* If you know someone that could use some fun or a reminder that they should go have some fun, feel free to pass this along.

Liars and Cats

17 Sep 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Deep Thought, Guidelines Tags: , ,

Cats are liars.

They lie all of the time and they lay all over the place.

Cats are quiet and constantly making plans.

Those traits aside I like cats.

I do not like liars.

Has someone lied to me recently and thus spawned this post?  Nope.  Not that I have caught anyone in a lie.  This post was spawned by a friend, I should probably use a name to cover her identity…hmmm…ah…Nina.   Did Nina lie to me no, but she did have a conversation wondering why people lie and why she doesn’t say anything to those who do lie.

For the record, do not lie to me.  I will catch you.  I may not catch you in the act of lying, but I will at some point catch your lie and I will not be pleased.  I am a Scorpio and as a rule Scorpios are not trusting people.  Scorpios seem to posses a really good “something” isn’t right meter and are really good at finding out information.  Thus, people who lie to Scorpios usually get caught.  I will catch you and I will punish you for lying to me.

People have lied to me for the following reasons:

To spare my feelings.  Don’t bother.

To hide something that they did.  Don’t bother.

To hide their inability to communicate effectively.  Don’t bother.

To demonstrate that they could lie to me.  Don’t bother.

To demonstrate that being honest is harder than telling a lie.  Don’t bother.

To demonstrate that my friendship is of little value to them.  Don’t bother.

This is a firm hardline of mine; do not lie to me.  I don’t care what you have to say to me I would rather that you tell me the truth no matter how much you may think I don’t want to hear what you have to say or how much what you say could hurt my feelings, than lie to me.  I will respect you more for telling me the truth and any damage done by the truth can be repaired, whereas a lie there is little recourse in my book.

Back to cats.

I don’t trust cats.  You can not train a cat.  I know that at some point that I wrote about a man who was walking his cat on a leash, but we have not seen that man since that time and there have been several disappearances of men that match his description.   I think that the cat only put up with the man and his leash until the cat got what he wanted which was probably access to food and shelter.  Once the cat had these things he and his cat allies eliminated the man.  After the deed was done the cat went back to lying about.

Cats rank up there with coffee (drink of the devil), Starbucks (agent of the devil selling the devil’s drink) and Disney on my list of evils of the world.  More of a Kaiser Soze list as nobody believes me.

Still, I like cats more than I like liars.

Cyclical Writing

05 Jul 2012 3 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Guidelines, Random Thought Tags: ,

My blog must frustrate the shit out of people who don’t know me and/or come here for one topic and one topic only.  I can tell by the number of followers I have; the number goes up and then goes down each time I change gears.  I recently changed gears from a lot of erotica and moved into a more deliberate writing phase and I lost a bunch of followers.

Maybe I should have said something when I started this blog out.  A warning perhaps, that I change what I am writing as I go through my usual cycle of writing.  That what got you here will go through boom and bust periods.  The only thing that is constant, aside from the cycles, is that I will have something to write about each day.  Sometimes more than one.

A good example of this was the recent boom period of erotica and sex blogs.  I wrote a good amount of them in a short time.  Now the sex thoughts will continue at a good pace, but I think a lot of people showed up for the erotica.   The erotica has slowed down to a trickle.  A good part of the reason for the slow-down was not a lack of ideas, but that after reading my erotica I noticed a pattern or style that was forming and I did not like what I saw.  So I could either keep cranking out rather generic erotica, that while it would keep people reading and new people showing up, wasn’t making me happy or I could do what I did-stop, come up with a new plan, and then implement the new plan.  The new plan is to treat each erotica story, like a story and put some work into it; give the characters names and personalities.  Make reading the erotica more of an event than a series of one off disposable blogs.  That is my plan and I will be sticking too it.  If nothing else, I will be proud of what I write.  At a minimum, I will be able to use the characters and maybe give them some continuity.

Right now I am in a phase where I am writing about several different things, which is keeping me from cranking out a ton of any one thing.  This is a good thing for me since I am prone to working on a project until I decide that I am “done,” at which point I am burned out and don’t go back to the project for a long while, if ever again.  This is why I am writing cyber-punk, animal space opera, super hero, erotica, and food all while talking about what is on my mind or happening around me.

While this is great for me, it must be frustrating the shit out of everyone else.  I have noticed that on most blogs they have one topic and stay on that topic without variation.  I think this is a good thing.  You go there and you KNOW that you will find a blog on cooking, erotica, sex-lives or what have you.  I enjoy that kind of regularity myself.  But…I am not that writer.  I am a person with a ton of different interests and I like to write about them.

So here is my advice, treat my blog like stocks; you either stay in for the long haul or you get your quick fix and move on.  Either way I don’t mind as long as you enjoy what you read.  Trust me everything does come back around especially if it is fiction that I am writing.  If you read something you like tell me about it, because I always write about things that I get feedback on.

What Could Happen

18 Apr 2012 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Guidelines Tags:

A long time ago before the Troubled Times we used to have people over for parties. Not small parties either. Big parties and they all ended up with names. Our parties were so good that people would bring their friends from long distances away to attend. What is this about? Well we will be hosting some smaller parties every once and a while that could eventually turn into larger parties. Nothing regular, after all we have kids and we have a life outside of partying, but lets be honest, cutting loose once in a while is a good thing. So we decided to try cutting loose again. There have been questions, so I will try to answer them.

Responsible Adulthood: If you are at our party, you are expected to behave like an adult. Which means you are responsible for your actions. Don’t blame us, the booze or that person we catch you in the bathroom with. Oh, yes that too has happened before. Several times in fact. Speaking of which if you are going to fuck in the bathroom have the courtesy to let others in to use the toilet or be prepared to be hauled out and doused with a bucket of water. You may resume fucking post water elsewhere.

Noise and Destruction: Despite it being a party, be respectful of my neighbors. You can have fun without being a loud ass outside and inside. Do not destroy anything, unless that is the theme of the party in which case we will give you things to destroy, such as the “Bring the Stuffed Animal to be Blown-Up with Fireworks Summer Party. Yes, that was the name and the image of a carebear shooting 3 foot long flames out of it’s ass as it flew across the courtyard are forever imbedded on my eyeballs. Thank you EasyE for that.

Participation: If you show up to a party you are expected to participate. You do not have to participate in all things that occur at a party, but you are expected to not cause problems, not be a stick in the mud, and not be a wallflower. People who cause problems will and have been asked to leave. If they take their friends with them no skin off our neck.

Drugs: There is never to be any drug use. EVER, people caught using drugs will have the police called on them. Yes, we have done this and will do it again.

Drinking: If you are drinking you are not driving or leaving until we say so. This rule is not subject to debate.

SEX & NUDITY:Parties can get raunchy and sexually oriented, be prepared. Okay, let us be honest and upfront right now, to date there has yet to be a party where someone, usually multiple someones weren’t naked or partially naked. It is just how it goes around us. If we want a party where people don’t get naked then we will have you over for dinner. Parties are where you can do what you want in a safe environment. There is generally at least one game that involves nudity in some form available to be played and usually being played during any party.

Which brings up, if you are ashamed of your body, don’t show up. If you don’t want to see other people naked, don’t show up. If you are not in a secure relationship, don’t show up. If your significant other might freak out because you took off some clothing as part of a game or saw another person naked, don’t show up. Uptight people need not apply.

OR don’t say anything. Shut the fuck up, relax and enjoy the good time.

Nudity II: As stated above someone always gets naked or partially naked. Usually around Adventure Jenga or a card game in combination with some drinking. Nudity does not lead to sex. Nudity does not mean that they are breaking up with your or cheating. It means that they are playing a game and having a good time. Too much emphasis on what something means when it means nothing.

Sex II: Sex has happened at our parties. Generally a post-party action done away from us, but it has happened before and we are sure it will happen again. Just make sure to use protection, say out of public areas and don’t blame us if you hook up with someone you did not arrive with.

A divorce: The woman of the relationship was have a great time playing Adventure Jenga and her husband couldn’t handle that she was having such a good time. He caused a huge scene, demanding that she leave. She did not want to leave. She wanted a shower, don’t know why to this day, she went and got a shower. He left. They got a divorce two months later. Six months later we heard from her again, she was freshly tattooed and seeing a man who was more to her taste.

A breakup: A couple comes over. They are not a secure relationship. They don’t communicate well. She, always she, starts having too good of a time, so says the man. Since she is having a good time she doesn’t see what his problem is. He sulks. He pouts. He behaves like an ass. He is kicked out by us. They breakup. If this happens do not start a fight as everyone in the room will side with the woman, no matter what and the man will be forcefully ejected and have the police called on him. Yes, this happend one time. Usually the routine is the man pout, man sulk, man leaves on his own, with or without girlfriend.

Embarassment: This happens a lot. Someone (s) always do something stupid either on purpose or on accident. In fact, if you are playing Adventure Jenga in addition to the potential of losing clothing is the extreme likelyhood that you will have to do something embarassing such as sing to completion, “I’m A Little Teapot.”

Smoking: Not pot, but smoking. I don’t know why but people like to smoke at parties. There will be a designated place where you can smoke and not cause problems for yourself, us or our neighbors.

Filthy Language: Yep, people swear.

Someone Tied to A Chair Covered in Honey: Now admitidly this was an extreme night of partying and was within the spirit of Adventure Jenga and she was having a good time, but it did happen and it could happen again.

Vomiting: It could happen, don’t do it on the carpet and be prepared to be embarassed and put to bed because you obviously couldn’t handle the fun. Bubblegummers need not apply.

I think that covers all of the basics, the normal things and a few extreme examples.  If you read this and you are expected to then you have been warned.  If you have questions, you should ask before you get here because it is too late once you walk-in.

A Quick Dance Thru My Head

02 Apr 2012 5 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Guidelines, Sex Thought Tags: , , , ,

Welcome to the 200th blog extravaganza.  First, it will be the 200th blog and thank you for following along.  Second, it will hardly be an extravaganza as I have yet to figure out how to make fireworks go off when you click on the link.  Third, this will be about sex.  Run and hide now if you would like.  This will be about how I, I as in me, see, think and treat sex.  Why?  Well because sex always is a topic that I am willing to engage in, it comes up a lot around me, there seems to be some confusion and maybe even some fear when I start talking about sex.  Fine, let’s be honest, because I want to.  Fuck off if you don’t want to read about sex and don’t get pissed at me when you didn’t read the manual.  Didn’t I mention that before?

Here is how it works in my head and I am sure in a few other people’s heads-sex, relationships and nudity are three different things.  Orgies, which was brought up, is not part of any of those and is something akin to a dragon or unicorn, while I think on the surface it is cool I am pretty positive that I will never see one and if I did see one I am not sure what my reaction will be despite what I think in my head.

Here are your options when sex is happening in front of you with real people.   Watching porn is not sex happening in front of you, just to be clear.

Option 1: You can get up and leave.  Probably your first reaction.

Option 2: You can sit and watch.  Do not sit and stare.  Do not make commentary.  Do not masturbate unless someone says that is okay.  Do not take photos or film without permission.

Option 3: You can join in, but only if invited by the people having sex.  If you are not invited then I refer you to option 1 or 2.

That’s it, unless you stumble across people having sex in your bathroom in the middle of a big party, then you can toss water on them and kick their naked butts out into the party.  You do this because you want the rest of the people to have access to the bathroom and not to start looking at cups and bowls as portable toilets.

Did you follow that? There was some very valuable information in there.  There may be some ahead too.

In my head there are three different areas that all fall under that umbrella of sex; there is the nudity area, the sex area and the relationship area.  They are not exclusive areas, there is a lot of overlap between all of them.

Nudity is probably the easiest, with a few exceptions I want to see every woman that I meet naked.  I’m not going to lie.  Why should I?  It works like this I am curious what each woman looks like naked.  I want to know.  Once I see I am satisfied, unless you are also a woman that I would like to have sex with.  If I talk about seeing you naked that is it.  It goes no further than that and is purely a curiosity thing that I am willing to vocalize.  When I was working on Naked in Life there was a second motive and that was to see if I could get you to take part in the book and should I do another Naked in Life I will ask.   Here is an interesting fact, Naked in Life taught me that I could look at a naked woman and leave it at that.  Hours behind a camera with a naked woman in front of me should spell trouble, but what it spelled was a dozen dead batteries, an exhausted woman and close to 1,000 or more photos of her in the best possible way I could photograph her.  So for me seeing a woman naked does not equate into wanting to have or need to have sex with her.  That is handled by a second department.

Sex is an odd thing because it overlaps with nudity and relationships.  Sex is something that I like to do.  Sex is not something I want to do with everyone.  When I was in my 20′s and early 30′s the answer would’ve been most likely everyone, but as I age and reflect I came to the realization that a lot of my sexual experiences were spent teaching other people how to have better sex.  I don’t mean teaching them how to please me, I mean teaching them how to have better sex for themselves.  There is a difference.  What I primarily learned and experienced is that most people know how to perform the physical rituals of sex, but don’t know how to have sex.  It’s like knowing how to play a sport, but not understanding all of the intricacies that allow you to not only play the game, but excel at the game.  That is how most people are with sex in my experience.  I have met a few who knew how to play, but few and far between.  Thus for me sex with others has boiled down not to looks, but those intangibles that last longer than a good fucking or even a bad fucking; personality because personality counts for a lot.  When there is no fucking I would like to be able to LIKE hanging out with you and be able to be seen in public with you.  Yes, there have been a few that I did not want anyone I knew to see me in public with.  I made many a mistake, I think I have mentioned this before.

All of that being said, here is how it works for me, if I want to have sex with you I will let you know in a way that there is no mistaking my intentions.  Until then it is me being me.  If you think that I might be propositioning you for sex and are unsure then ask.  I will not lie and I will respect your decision, if you say yes or no.  It’s pretty cut and dried with me.

But, but you are saying to yourself, how can you write all of that you’re married.  Yes, I am married and very happily.  This is where relationships come in, and yes Barb did read this before it was posted.  Relationships are complicated.  Not on our end.  On the other end.  Barb and I from day two on, there wasn’t much talking day one, have talked.  We talk a lot, about everything, but most importantly about sex.  Sex, like money (if that is important to you) makes or breaks relationships.  You can give me all the bullshit you want, but at some point sex plays a part in all good and bad relationships.  Thus since we have been together we have talked to each other about sex.  What we want, what we don’t want, what we will do, what we won’t do, what we like, what we need, and then we come to an agreement or compromise.  There is nothing that you can talk to us about that we haven’t talked to each other about first.

Barb and I have similar interests, we both like women and for many of the same reasons.  Why we like women is the subject for another blog, but the gist of the story is that in general if one of us is attracted to a woman the other one is as well.  It makes for some funny situations when Barb points out a hot woman that I didn’t notice or that I can point out a woman to my wife and not get the “glare.”  Now, at this point some of you are making moral judgements and starting to apply labels to our relationship and marriage.  Go ahead if it makes you feel better and more comfortable, but I warn you DO NOT do it in front of us or to anyone who will tell us what you said, because we will both make sure you understand a thing or two.  We are used to it.  Most people don’t get us and never will.  Here is what we are not.

  • We are not swingers.  Neither of us in interested in another couple.
  • We are not in an open relationship or polyamourous or any of those other labels people toss around.
  • Neither of us interested in dick or another dick to be more specific.
  • We are not looking for drama.

That being said, we have been a woman’s “let me try this” experience and we have had to teach a few women a few things about themselves before they can even get near the bedroom with us.   Despite what you may be thinking, finding a woman that gets through all of the hoops is very rare.  We don’t just take anyone who is willing.

Okay, so your saying to yourself, that is nice, but what does that have to do with relationships?  Well, Barb is my relationship. She comes first.  It wouldn’t matter if there were women willing to pay money to have sex with us, if Barb says nope then it doesn’t happen.  Thus, my thoughts on sex and relationship are pretty well established.  There is a line that will not be crossed no matter what and that line works both ways.

My thoughts on relationships go like this, you can be in a relationship and still have the worst sex you have ever had and thus end up miserable because you don’t communicate.  I am told for most people talking to other people, especially people that they are in relationships with is difficult.  GET OVER IT.  You partner is not a mind reader and neither are you.  You both have to communicate and be very HONEST about everything you expect, want, need and dream about in sex.  The best sex is between people who have no secrets.  That is my thoughts on relationships and sex.  It took a while for that to sink in, but it has and now I tell everyone.

I think that covers just about everything that has come up in conversation lately and might be confusing to those who don’t know me or know Barb.  To set the record straight you will know, as in be told clearly, when I or us want to have sex with you.  Until then it is just us talking about sex.

Don’t Ask Me and I Won’t Tell

27 Mar 2012 2 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Guidelines Tags: ,

Before you even read this, you may be inclined to think that this is about YOU as in I wrote this about YOU.  Get over yourself.  I have more than one person that I deal with on a daily basis and it takes more than one person to make me write shit like this.  So while it may not be about YOU, you should probably know this.  Or as my wife said recently, “Has nobody paid attention to you, it only takes five minutes of talking to you to know that this is how you are?”

I didn’t think that I would have to write a blog about this, primarily because I am pretty clear about the following and I wrote a shit ton of ramblings about this as well, but it just goes to show that not everyone actually listens to what I say and most people haven’t read the ramblings.  The lack of listening to me is what really bothers me.  For those of you who have read the ramblings, this is a blog that you can probably skip as you have seen this topic before.  For those of you who know me from Ferris-Big Rapids then you may want to actually read, pay attention, take notes and even ask questions once you are done.  Why those people, because they are new to me and may not have heard this before.  This will be the ONLY blog I write on this rather tedious subject matter, but it is of vital interest to YOU that YOU understand what I am about to say.

For the love of whatever deity that you worship DO NOT ASK ME FOR MY OPINION OR THOUGHTS ON A SUBJECT if you are not ready to hear what I have to say and the more personal the subject is to you the more you will want to think about asking me for my opinion.

Here is why:

  • I don’t pull any punches.
  • I speak my mind and I am done with the subject.   There is room for discussion post me responding.
  • I don’t needlessly give praise.  I will complement where appropriate, but if you are looking for praise then ask, and asking “what do I think” is not asking for praise.
  • I don’t take your “feelings” into consideration when telling you how I feel or what I think about something, unless the topic is about you, even then I may not.
  • If I have nothing to offer I will let you know.  There are times when I either have no knowledge or no interest, thus I have no thoughts or opinion on a subject.
  • I pay attention to just about everything that goes on around me and I get information from a wide variety of sources.  If you ask me for my thoughts or opinion you may get things as a response that you had forgotten, not noticed yourself or thought that I did not know about.
  • I will do my best to make what I say constructive and not destructive.  I believe in constructive criticism. Constructive criticism may point out something that you had not noticed or been aware of and allows you to grow.  Constructive criticism is good.  I expect that people will give me constructive criticism in return, should I ask you what you think.
  • Here is MY definition of constructive criticism, I will tell you what I think could be done better, changed, or presented in a different fashion.  They are not about YOU unless you are the subject.  I will tell you what you did right or well.  I try to find those things that you did right or well so that you can compare what I am giving criticism against what I am telling was right or good.  These are my thoughts on the subject, please ignore them if you like, but if you ignore what I tell you don’t complain to me if they come up again with someone else or you fail altogether.
  • While I try to avoid destructive there will be times that I am destructive.
  • I keep my thoughts and opinions on topic; I do not make it personal unless you made the mistake of asking me a personal question.  For example, if you ask me what I think about your model plane I will tell you about how I feel about the model, the construction techniques and painting.  You will take it personally, because you did it, but if you were listening you would have heard that I did not say anything about YOU. Everything I said was about the model plane. I will offer constructive criticism and give advice if there is some that I can offer and I have some level of expertise in the subject matter.  Another example, if you ask me a question about your personal life then I will get personal, but I will always ask you one last time if you really want to hear what I have to say before I tell you.  If you say yes, you get what I have to say and you most likely won’t like it.
  • Since most people do not listen to me about the above, I always suggest that you ask someone who has known me for longer than you about how I am or will likely respond.  Here is a suggested list of people: Barb, Chris Cortright (Big Man), Jessica Voss, Darin Young.  I will give you an email address where you can contact them should you want to do the prudent thing.  All of them have extensive contact with me on a variety of subject matters and can tell you what my most likely course of action will be in broad tones, such as “Don’t ask him because you don’t want to know” or “The last person who asked that…”

To recap, DO NOT ASK ME FOR MY THOUGHTS OR OPINIONS unless you are ready to hear them.  Remember YOU came to me.  I did not go to you and offer my opinion or thoughts unasked.  Since it will need repeating, because I have found that people will jump to conclusions before anything else, this blog is not about anyone in particular.  This is my response to the battery of people, did you read that PEOPLE (more than 1 for those that don’t know the definition of people), that have recently asked me what I thought and got their panties in a bunch because I spoke my mind.  Finally, opinions are like assholes-everyone has one and most importantly you can choose to ignore what I said, but do not hold it against me, after all you came to me.

I will not repeat this again.

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