Feeling “Great”

“Is that blood?’

“A little.”

“We are going to the health center.”

And that is how I found myself sitting in the waiting room of the campus Health Center instead of sitting in class listening to a lecture.  My throat is raw; swallowing hurts, talking is next to impossible, raising my voice is impossible, coughing hurts, drinking hurts, and doing nothing hurts my throat.  I assumed that the blood in whatever it was that I coughed up was from my raw throat.  Barb did not make that assumption.

Combined with the general state of “Ugh” on my face she decided to take me to the Health Center instead of to class.  I don’t blame her, I’m not mad at her, I too have made decisions like that for her so I understand.  It was a great thing that she went with me because I couldn’t talk beyond this raspy whisper that even I was having a hard time hearing.  So she told them what was going on and they said, “Can he come back tomorrow morning?”

“Coughing up blood.”

Okay that makes it sound like I was gushing forth blood, which I was not.  There was blood in everything I coughed up, but I had to cough up first.  Still that did the trick.  I was in front of a nurse and Barb was doing the talking because I couldn’t.  Then a doctor and again Barb was doing the talking.  Here is the news:

  • I am not dying.  So for those of you who thought this would do the trick, “You should’ve killed me last week.”
  • I have a sinus infection, viral, just have to suffer through.
  • I had a backwards flowing minor bloody nose, which is how the blood was mixing with expelled sinus funk
  • My weight is good, not great, but good.
  • My blood pressure is where it should be.  No wide eyed, leaning back, expecting me to explode in a fountain of blood from the nurse taking my blood pressure.
  • I do not have strep.
  • I was told, much to my joy, to resume my popping vitamin C tablets like they were candy way by the doctor.  As part of Barb’s “learning” she “yelled” at me to stop doing that.  Thus, I submit I got sick due to her “learning.”

My sudden and unexpected trip to the doctor’s aside, there was more to my day.

Someone noticed that I was no longer on Facebook.  She even apologized for causing me to leave Facebook, at least that is how I am interpreting her text message.  Thank you for the apology.  I assure you that your constant “liking” of memes was only a tiny fraction in the over all decision to abandon Facebook.  Still I suggest that you post your own original thoughts and stop relying on the thoughts of others to express yourself.  No matter how cute, funny, or moving that meme is when you say something yourself it has a lot more impact, after all someone knows that YOU typed that and not clicked like.

A day ago I sent Big Man a link to the world’s most awesome role-playing game, and the game is free.  Today he sent me a link to a really cool role-playing game (his can’t be more awesome than the first most awesome game).  Today I share both of them with anyone who is interested.

Awesomesauce

Heroes Against Darkness

I had a conversation with I am An Afterschool Special, that is what I am calling an exchange of comments, today.  Her’s is one of those blogs that I value not just for me, but for humanity at large, because she isn’t trying to sell anything, she is writing about herself, her experiences, and the people around her.  Am I saying that everyone will get something out of her blog, no but you will find some honest moments that could ring true for you.  Plus she has traveled a lot and has a lot of cool photos.  People who write like she does are valuable because whether she knows it or not there is probably someone else going through what she has been and if they find her blog they could get some solid information, some perspective, or just the satisfaction that they are not alone.

However, that was not what we were talking about, maybe it should have been (shit maybe I should have this conversation more often), she is thinking about stopping blogging because her blog has caused her some trouble with the people she knows.  I was telling her that I totally understand causing trouble with my writing.  Before the blog was the rambling.  The rambling would become the source of many a fight, argument, discussion, civics lesson, and so on (If you want proof I can post ramblings).  After a few of these problems I seriously thought about quitting like she is.  Then I came to the conclusion that as long as I am writing the truth, then I should stand by what I wrote, ride out whatever problems occurred and if the people who had the problem couldn’t or wouldn’t work through the problem then that was their issue not mine.

This line of thought was solidified in me rather recently in a conversation with my college adviser, I will sum up the conversation:

“If I offend someone because of my abrasiveness then that is all on me.  I will make amends.  However, if I offend because I told the truth that is not on me at all.  The offended need to deal with the truth and their place within that.  If they want to be offended there is nothing I can do about that.”

FUN!

Dedication: To every stressed out adult out there who has forgotten what is best in life or needs a reminder. *

“What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

At least that is Conan the Barbarian’s definition of what is best in life.

When I was asked, “What I thought was most important in life.”  Without hesitation, my answer was fun.  “Fun,” was the shocked response!  I’m not surprised, after all after a certain age, people tend to relegate fun into something that they are either entitled too (weekends or vacation), something they have to do (I have to seem fun), or something that adults do not do (I’m too old for that).  Fun gets shoved aside for everything else.  Sad.

F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for you and me.

N is for anytime and anywhere at all.

Spongebob has FUN right.  Spongebob gets the idea.

I tried to explain why I believe that fun is the most important thing in life, but I could tell that I was not, in the abbreviated amount of time I had, getting my point across.  I am pretty sure, upon reflection of the conversation, I came across as an eccentric cynic or a thoroughly touched-in-the-head individual.  Now that I have the time and space, here is what I was trying to explain:

Friends come and go.  

You will make and lose friends for your entire life.  There is nothing that you can do other than be the best person-friend that you can be, and even if you are the best, friends will leave and new friends will arrive.

Family comes and goes.  

Even though family is a finite resource, family members are people and disagreements will arise.  There will be times when you don’t talk to your family, where you don’t see them, and then all will be forgiven, until the next disagreement.

Love comes and goes. 

Love is fleeting, love comes and goes like the tide.  You can be in love one moment, out the next, and back in love later.  Love is not guaranteed even in relationships, sometimes you fall out of love…hopefully you fall back in.

Money comes and goes. 

There is never enough money.  Boom and bust is the cycle, even if you have “enough” you could always use more for “something.”

Power comes and goes.

Do I really need to go on?  Everything comes and goes.

But fun is always there.  You can have fun at anytime, anywhere.  Fun is yours.  Fun is totally under your control.  If you are not having fun, then stop, and find something to do that is fun.  If someone tells you to stop having fun, go away from them and resume fun. Do I care what you think is fun, not unless what you are thinking of doing is harmful to yourself or another person.  Fun is not harmful.  What you should do, is do something that you find fun everyday, every chance that you get.  But why?

  • Fun is relaxing.
  • Fun will reduce your stress level.
  • Fun can provide you with some perspective.
  • Fun will put a smile on your face.
  • Fun is fun!

If you are feeling stressed out, pulled in too many directions, can’t seem to focus on what you are doing, need a break, want to smile, or bored then take 15 minutes or a half-hour, if you have the time to spare, and do something that you find fun.  Even better, if you know someone that is suffering from any of the above, invite them to have fun with you.  If fun is good by yourself, fun is even better when shared with a friend.

Want to know what I do for fun?  Sure you do:

  • Write
  • Cook
  • Read
  • Play

And I know that you can do any of those things and more.  So the next time you have some free time or need a break or for any reason at all go out and have some fun.  Better yet, get a friend or friends together have a lot of fun.  You will thank yourself later.

* If you know someone that could use some fun or a reminder that they should go have some fun, feel free to pass this along.

Read My Lips

For the first time, in a long time, I find myself without a translator, buffer, and liaison between me and you.  I need one.  In reality, I need two or three.  Turns out that I am a difficult person to understand or relate to.  I don’t see that myself, but I also don’t look in the mirror or listen to much of what comes out of my mouth.  This leads to problems of all sorts, especially since I am up here without a translator.

Here is a small sample just from my time here (1 year):

Not a pretty picture?   I agree, which is why a while ago I sought out a translator to avoid these type of issues: Translator Droid Needed-Must Speak Nathan.  I’m not sure a translator would have helped with the “Gonna have sex with you no matter what you say” issue, but I would have loved to see how past translators would have handled the situation for me.  I have been fortunate to have several good translators in the past, here are some highlights.

Barb:  Barb is my current translator, and she is no damn good at the job.  She knows me extremely well which is always a plus, but she speaks her mind instead of translating for me, unless we are at the doctors.  I have a problem at the doctors, I say something that makes the doctor’s eyes bulge and then start writing a book when what I meant was something very minor.  She is a very handy medical translator, but in people to people areas she has very specialized uses.  For example: There are women who will come to me for advice, after I give them advice not listen to a word I said.  BUT if Barb says the exact same thing, the women will immediately follow “her” advice to the letter.  One time I stood in front of a woman, Sue, who asked for some advice as I gave her my answer, Barb who was standing to my right said the exact same thing I did.  Guess what, Sue never looked at Barb, but ran out and followed the advice.

Big Man: Big Man was my best translator.  Not only did he know me well, but he knew how to translate just about anything I said or situation that might arise due to what I said into something that the masses would accept and even understand.  His touch was masterful.  He could take someone that was pissed off at me and turn them into a good friend.  Time and time again.  There were some people he just couldn’t translate for, but then he just did what was necessary which was got rid of them.  His services are missed.

Cjack: Cjack was my first translator.  He was good, but since we were both young he tended to get the translations wrong a lot at first, but by the end of his service he was knocking them out of the park.  Given my nature back then he was put into service a lot.

The way this usually works is that someone has a conversation with me, they take something I say wrong or misunderstand me and then they tell the translator who explains what really happened.  Most of the time people just don’t know how to relate to my perspective or I said something that really got under their skin; these are fixable translations.  Then there are the people who I want to go away, but won’t,  The translator’s job is to drive home the point, go away.  See there is a lot of work involved, especially when sex is involved.  As long time readers have noticed my sex talks cause problems, which why a translator is needed to ensure that instead of “He is trying to sleep with me,” the person understands, “That is just how he is.” 

I would suggest any person applying for the job of translator master that phrase; “That is just how he is.”

Repeat after me, “That is how he is.”

I really hope someone applies for the job soon, because I am really getting tired of going through people up here.  They just don’t get me.

What Can I Say?

What can I say?

Ah, here is a big one, until I buy a cookbook on Indian cuisine I will not be learning how to cook Indian food from another person.  That sucks.  I was hoping that even though the mystery boyfriend who is so threatened by my overt, and blatant sexuality, banned her from talking to me that he would at least allow her to teach me how to cook Indian food.  This love of mine, learning how to cook, which is further refined into cuisines that I know nothing about was the first connection that we shared.  The connection was actually so cool and so strong that I am surprised that she is allowing someone to tell her that she can’t do something.  Alas, not my problem, in that there is nothing that I can do and while I did tell her to walk away, I was still hopeful that I would still be able to learn how to cook from her.  After all I have yet to see sex spontaneously break out in the middle of a kitchen in full on cooking mode.

So to all of the cooking people who read this blog and I know that I have a small group of cooking people, could you please, if you know, suggest some cookbooks on Indian cooking that you would recommend to a good friend?  Please.

Here is another thing that I can say about today, I finished my Nature Journal assignment.  For those who haven’t been following along as part of my Nature Study class I had to pick a spot where I would write regular journals about the goings on in and at my nature spot. The first assignment was huge, and I was okay with that as that assignment was the foundation.  I was not prepared for the second assignment; didn’t seem that difficult, until I was smack in the middle of my spot which turns out to be more swamp than woods like I thought.  This swamp land by the way is way more common here in Michigan than I knew.  Still the assignment was short on the questions, but long in the answer department.  The upshot, my nature journal is cool looking and more importantly done.

Oh here is another thing, a few people after reading my last blog, were concerned since there seems to be a trend of negative posts about people and college life.  I don’t think that they read the post where I talk about how my mood changes for this month, but that is neither here nor there.  Some people were concerned and I want to say thank you for your concern.  Other people, those have known me for over five years, were not concerned and understood that these things happen to me a lot and just wanted to make sure that I had not done anything stupid, which is also something that I tend to do on occasion.  Overall, reception to Today I Lost a Friend was a lot more positive than I expected.  I am thinking about writing a companion piece based upon the conversation we had to have with our son today.  He wanted to know why the girl that he could talk Minecraft with was no longer going to be over.  Both my wife and I had a long talk with him, suffice to say the talk had a lot to do with emotions, self-confidence, and female empowerment.  I’m curious if my readers would be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Empowerment?

I seem to have asked a couple of things of people who are reading this post.  Allow me to recap them here:

  • Can someone please suggest one or more cookbooks on Indian cuisine to me?  I really want to learn.
  • Would you be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Female Empowerment?  This was a conversation that my wife and I had with our son over the fallout from Today I Lost a Friend.

I Have Space Limitations…

…I don’t have room for punctuation!

That was a direct quote from the journalism adviser today.  Taken totally out of context, but his statement fit my needs at the time.  Today was my first meeting with my adviser about my On Volunteering book.

She loved it!

Let me start this off with an long over due apology to Darin, my editor and friend.  Turns out that you were right about commas.  Not that I doubted you, but…well you know how I feel about those damn things.  However, as the situation was explained to me, I do owe you an apology, my adviser is very pleased that you are a good editor and have been hammering home the comma thing.  This leads to the next apology to Ryan, not an editor, but a friend.  Seems when you were getting all militant about one area of comma usage you were correct.  However, I stress I am not to blame for that, seems that comma usage has changed A LOT in the thirty years since I learned the rule.  This means that your point of contention was correct.

Don’t know what I am talking about?

Normally when I am writing a list I do this: “A, B and C”

The currently accepted method is this: “A, B, and C”

Journalists do this: “A, B and C”

I am not a journalist.  In the words of my adviser, “I am a writer and give a shit.”  Yes, my adviser swears during meetings, she is cool.

So back to my meeting, she went over the first three chapters in detail and had plenty of suggestions.  Many of which I had in my own notes or had heard in feedback from Darin and Big Man.  Seems like all of us are on the same page, with the one exception of my comma issues.  For those who haven’t read a lot of the blogs, I hate commas.  I never really learned how to use them in school.  I tend to ignore where they are supposed to go or I over use them.  As Darin has worked with me over the years he has been getting me to use commas more and more, usually in the correct place or nearby.  I did some learning on my own to lesson the anguish I caused Darin and to keep him from running out of red pens.  His work and my self-education has improved my comma usage a lot.  Not completely by any means.

Comma issues aside, she was very pleased with the work that I had put into the book so far.  Suffice to say I am geeked.

Big Brother

I do not have a brother.  I have never wanted a sibling.  That was until I met Chris Cortright also known as Big Man, we will be using Big Man throughout this post.  I am not going to lie, we did not get along when we first met, but that was quickly overcome and we have been friends and family since then.  He is the brother I would’ve liked to have.

Big Man came along before Jessica, and like Jessica he was there for all of the good, bad and crazy.  He knows more about me than anyone other than Barb.  I hope that he keeps telling the truth when I embellish and continues to be part of my social conscience.  Big Man was my first successful translator.  He did not translate what he wanted me to say into English for everyone else, he translated what I said into English that was understandable for the masses.  Way back in the day, I really needed a translator and he was the man for the job.  Probably still is.

We worked together for a long time at a hobby shop running the games department.  There we were known for our fun times; want to know about a game we would gladly break open a copy and play it with you…okay mostly us trying stuff out first, but the sentiment was there.  I won’t share most of the stuff we did for a variety of reasons, but I will share these three memories from our time running the game department.

Big Man had a power to grab a pack of cards that had THE card that you wanted.  No lie.  Never failed.  Someone would come into the store or one of us would be working to complete the latest set of whatever CCG (Collectible Card Game for those not in the know) and tell him what card they would need.  He would spend about thirty-seconds with his hand hovering over the box of cards before he reached in and pulled out a pack.  Guess what, that card was in that pack.  Sometimes twice and sometimes as a variant.  Never failed.  Very cool, but not that useful at parties.

Since we were running the department, we ordered supplies, mostly stuff that we thought we needed or were interested in.  One thing we always needed, but could never get enough of were dice.  The boss just didn’t understand why we needed more dice, after all we had dice in the case, that should be enough.  Ugh.  Plain dice don’t sell, just make the shelf look full, people want (ed) colorful dice.  Thus one day we ordered dice, except we didn’t really pay attention to the package size.  Ten pounds of dice…in the most common sizes.  That was a shit load of dice.

Big Man was prone to ear infections, that he never noticed until way too late.  Too late as in he became a raging asshole.  Those around him eventually learned to recognize the signs and make sure he got to the docs, however before that time, we were giving a demonstration of the, way back in the day, Star Wars CCG.  We had a large audience for us, watching this game unfold.  I won’t go into too many details beyond when the situation became obvious that he couldn’t win he got really pissed.  He threw the cards down on the counter, we always protected our cards with stiff plastic card protectors, those Star Wars cards shot up off the counter like shrapnel and most of them flew at me.  I still wake up from nightmares of having my face flayed off by Star Wars cards.  Turns out that, yes he was pissed, but he also was in the middle of another ear infection.

Outside of work, we hung out together playing role-playing games, partying (yes, he used to party) and video games over at my place, which would eventually become our place as in mine and Barb’s place.  He was an integral member of our role-playing group, I can’t think of a time when he missed a session and his portrayal of Jubei, a ronin, set the tone for the Legends of the Five Rings campaign.  The man could play fighting games on whatever systems were out at the time and many an hour or day was “wasted” playing video games.  Big Man was witness to EVERY party.  I am sure he still has nightmares about the Party with the Drunken Lady Tied to the Chair and Covered in Honey and I am sure he still cracks a smile when he remembers the night he drank me to the point of puking.

See I was a bit of an ass and I was positive that I could do anything better than anyone else.  So what that Big Man was twice my size.  I could drink more tequila than him.  This was going to be cake.  A word of advice, never get into a drinking contest with someone twice your size AND who knows you like the back of their hand.  A bottle and a half of tequila later this was the conversation:

“Nate are you sweating?”

“Shut up.”

“You’re getting the flop sweats.  How’s the stomach?”

“Shut up”

“Your face just turned green.”

“Get out NOW!”

Everyone who was at the party left, the door hadn’t even latched closed and I puked my guts out all over the table, then I went and passed out in the tub.

Big Man went to the bar with us, until he blew out his knee in a night of drinking, watching girls with Barb while sitting on the big bass speaker, dancing, eating a glow-n-the-dark ant and twisting his knee really bad.  We have collaborated many, many times over the years on role-playing games, writing and other projects.  When I need art I ask him.  I happen to think that he is an awesome artist, in fact all of the art in this post is stuff he did.  If I have an idea I bounce the idea off of him and likewise.

Big Man taught me about his religion, he is a Mormon, now I am not saying that I still believe that Mormons have an all female ninja hit squad, but I did learn a lot about how someone else views the world and some of life’s mysteries.  Granted if they do have an all female ninja hit squad, I apologize for not believing in them.  Learning about Mormonism from him and EasyE, a friend of ours, allows me to answer the door and not be overwhelmed when the Mormons on their mission show up.  In fact, name dropping the Hutchinson’s of Utah makes them happy even if they didn’t get me to convert, at least someone understands how much of a suck job going door to door can be.

We have moved apart, distance wise, he is in Utah with his wife and I am in Michigan with mine.  We email and talk frequently, but if I had things my way he and his wife would be living near us.  I am positive that if Big Man was here we would be gaming and getting into trouble like always.

The Written Word

Who Writes

Darin Young is a writer, Chris Cortright is a writer and Samantha Peters is a writer.  All three of them have other characteristics that define who they are, but writing is the one thing that if they could do exclusively, for a living, that they would do.  All three of them love to write and all three of them are different writers.

Of the three of them, I have known Chris Cortright the longest. How I met him is irrelevant to who he is as a writer. What is relevant is that he is a self-taught, self-motivated freelance writer of comics and games.  When games used to be played at a table with other people present, Chris was writing role-playing games and rules for  his groups to use.  Even as people moved away from the tabletop to the television, Chris continues to write games for people to play.  When he isn’t writing games he is working on superhero comic books, which I happen to think is his writing strength.

“It’s either write or become an ax murderer.”

-Darin Young

I met Darin Young on accident.  Truth be told, I have never met Darin in person, he lives in Oklahoma with his wife and children.  I met Darin online when we both were working on a wrestling roleplaying game for Fantages, a company that went out of business almost as fast as it showed up.  Through that project Darin and I got to know each other.  After the project we have stayed in regular contact.  Darin is a strong writer, especially with character dialog.  While he claims that he spends most of his writing time doing small write ups for games, he has demonstrated the ability to write well on a wide variety of genres.

Samantha Peters is a new writer.  I met her through a friend and got to know her writing through her blog.  For a young writer she is still developing her “writing” voice, but has a good grasp on writing pieces that you want to read.  While her primary writings are about her and her life, she has written some poetry and is working on turning a short story into a longer format.

Why and What They Write

None of them write because they wanted to become rich and famous.  I am not saying that they wouldn’t mind becoming rich and famous for their writing, but none of them started off writing solely for that reason; Darin thought that making a living as a writer would be, in his words, cool.

So why do they write?  Darin writes because he wants the images in his head to come out and alive in words.  He started out telling the stories in his head through his own artwork.  Later, in middle school, a friend of Darin’s would write stories based on the covers of Iron Maiden albums and Darin thought “If he can do that, I think I ought to try.”  From that moment on, Darin was a writer.   Darin primarily writes fantasy-fiction that have a common man in extraordinary situation spin on them.  Scenes between his characters have excellent dialog, a self-professed strength of his, while he thinks that his descriptions are lacking I have yet to find anything missing from what I have read of his work.

“That isn’t the REASON I write, but I definitely fantasize about being on some talk show explaining my book (s)”

-Samantha Peters

Chris writes because writing allows him to get the thoughts and ideas that are in his head, out.  He also writes for a more personal reason; writing distracts him from some of his personal issues, allows him to express himself in ways that he normally cannot and provides a distraction from “real life.”  Chris also writes a lot of fantasy-fiction, although recently he has moved into the comic book genre.  He has a very vivid imagination creating unique settings and ideas for the role-playing games that he primarily writes.  Chris is not strong with dialogue, but is good with descriptions of places and ideas.

Samantha writes as a way to explore her subconscious and push herself towards goals.  She writes because writing alleviates her fear that she will forget things, thus if they are written down they can be re-read later.  She writes to express a lot of personal issues, good and bad.  Samantha writes about her life.  In her words, “she dramatizes and stretches the truth, projecting forwards, but remaining rooted in her life or personal experience.”  She feels that her honesty towards her writing is her strength; she will not write something that she won’t put her heart into.  This does mean that she doesn’t write any fiction, other than the dramatized moments of her own life.  Her self-professed weakness is being a perfectionist to the point of getting stuck fixing all of the minor errors instead of finishing a project.

Now and Then

“My weakness is probably children’s books because I don’t have an easy time being cheerful and hopeful”

-Chris Cortright

When the conversation moved to the current state of writing, texting and communication they had two different opinions.   Darin and Chris are against texting and the effect that texting, especially the shorthand that has developed around texting, is having on the written word and people’s response to the written word.  Samantha does not see any problem with texting other than in test situation where texting can be used for cheating.

Darin knows that texting and the shorthand is not going anywhere, but hates trying to figure out the shorthand.  Chris thinks that texting comes with no responsibility, primarily due to the fact that there is no face to face contact, thus a texter can claim that they were trying make a joke or sarcasm if a texts backfires.

All three of them are disappointed that book stores and physical copies of books seem to be on the way out.  They, like most writers, have a special appreciation for a book; ranging from the feel, the smell to the physical act of reading, all of these things are what they are hoping to have by having a book or something of their own published.  As bookstores and books disappear, these dreams have to be modified.

While they are disappointed by the fate of books, all three do agree that electronic publishing is a good thing for writers.  Electronic publishing allows writers to publish their own material; they have control over their words.  Electronic publishing allows writers that most likely would not get picked up by a publishing house to get their words out.

Final Words

Three freelance writers, each with a different background and different areas that they write about, but they all share a few things in common.  They love to write.  They know that the odds are stacked against them for fame and fortune.  They write for themselves first.  They are disappointed by a few trends in the book world, but see opportunity in the future of publishing technology even if they have to read their name in print online first.

Late Crap

It’s late.  I would apologize for that, but it was beyond my control.  This is the first week since we have both been in college where we needed two computers.  We have one and one winging it’s way to be repaired.  I have four blogs in mind, one on word choice, one on fuck-toys, one on stuff we used to do and on about the stupid shit that is going on in our life.  Unfortunately right now I feel like crap.  I’m hoping to kick the shit out of this feeling in time to have some fun this weekend and definitely in time for “spring break.”

Before I head upstairs to get some sleep, there is an update, the Co-op story will be changing.  Big Man is taking an extended break.  Darin and I will figure something out.

Out for the Day

Hello.  I am a research monkey.  Today the boss is out of the office.  I only found out when I went into the bathroom and found this note stuck to the mirror, “Going out for the day.  Write something.”  Lucky for him that I decided to check my hair before heading back into the office to talk about last nights episode of Castle otherwise you would be staring at a blank screen right now.  What he forgot is that I am a research monkey and not a writer.  In fact, I am one-finger typing right now.  Since I don’t write I decided to ask the rest of the office what they thought I should write about.

“He’s a dick making you do extra work.  You should crap in his waste bucket” -Explosive Gorilla.

“This doesn’t sound like a customer service issue.  You should take this up with HR.” -Customer Service Tortise

“Unless you are going to help chop up all of this food, get the fuck out of my kitchen.” -Angry Chef Monkey

“Hey, why don’t you answer some of those questions other people asked?” -Couch Bear

That seemed like the best and honestly easiest way to go and it will take care of my job.  Here are some questions asked by you about my boss.

[asked by Ashleigh] Have you ever been convicted of a felony?  I don’t know what you have heard about my boss or from my boss, but to date he has not been convicted of any crime.  Notice I said convicted.  He has been accused in the death of a priest and Dale Earnheart, but no charges were ever filed.

[asked by Kyle] Why should we be interested in you?  I don’t see why anyone is interested in my boss beyond as a primer on how not to dress.  Have you seen him?  Multicolored pants, a shirt that only a human child should be caught wearing and those boots.  I swear if he doesn’t get new boots soon I am going to have him shoed.

[asked by Nick] If Nathan were King for a day he would…  Most likely scratch himself all day in front of people while making them do stupid things that only he and the cast of Nitro Circus would find funny.  He once said to me, “Everyone loves dick and fart jokes,” that would be your King.

[asked by "Cousin" Barb] If you could change any one thing about yourself what would it be? Do we have to stop at one thing?  It seems so limiting for someone like my boss.  Would you like my list in alphabetical order or order of importance [rest of response edited by management].

[asked by Chris J] Do you believe in an afterlife?  I’m not quite sure that I understand his views on faith or an afterlife. They are like him, a series of extremes and contradictions.  He does keep saying that there is a chair in hell waiting for him at the head of the table, but I’m not sure what that means given that he doesn’t seem to worship any of your traditional deities.

[asked by Chris J] Do you put more faith into the penis or vagina? This Chris person sounds like he has some issues that he might want to resolve, just saying.  As for my boss, he does not worship at the alter of the penii or vajajay.  Due to his advanced age and tons of whoring around, his words, he has plenty of experience knowing that all things have their place and the place of those two is bumping into each other over and over.

[asked by Big Man] If Nathan could inact two laws what would they be?  I know my boss has a universal dislike for the lack of civility that plagues this country and would most likely enact a law that forced all people to learn civics in school.  He also has a strong hatred for people who don’t try, not for people that try and fail, but those that fail to even try and would most likely institute a law that would find mandatory productive for society work for all people who fail to try and criminals.  Of course now that I wrote about criminals he has a whole series of thoughts on them.

Well there you go, some of your questions about my boss answered by me.

Brraaaiiiinnnnsss…..

Brraaaaiiiiiinnnnsssssss….today was all about brains.  From the minute I got up right up until I sat down to bang out this blog.  My morning was a scramble.  Today was study group or Sons day, every Sunday is.  We love having people over.  It’s good for the soul to be around friends.  Food, talking and generally having a good time.  Unfortunately today I had to scramble to get a dish ready for the study group.

If I write down that there is going to be a dish here, then people comment on how much they are looking forward to that dish I will make sure it is there and thus I was attempting to create shredded BBQ beef along with the bacon wrapped hotdogs.  In the middle of getting the beef ready I discovered that we had nothing, zero, for the beef.  Shit!  Time for a quick run to the grocery store to get the rest of the ingredients.  Then back here, where I was juggling BBQ beef and the hotdogs.

Chop onions, red and yellow, that nobody not even me used…oops.  Make two types of mayo, wasabi and roasted garlic; the wasabi was awesome, the roasted garlic is a process.  Cole slaw, not too creamy.  BBQ sauce, apple juice and few other things for the beef once it hit shred stage, very tasty.  Time to wrap the hotdogs; what, this isn’t “thick” cut, stupid label.  Clean up some.

By the time people started showing up food was good to go.  Thankfully, I started the hotdogs early because they take a lot longer to cook than just a hotdog or just bacon would.  Chris brought some potato salad and it was good.  This coming from someone who hates potato salad, my normal excuse is that I am allergic to it.  When pressed usually allergic to potatoes.  Worked for years.  Ashley brought seven-layer salad with “homemade” (read package) ranch dressing.  That was some damn good ranch and salad.  Ryan, due to being cooking-challenged, brought and will continue to bring pop.  I got to watch people eat more than one bacon-wrapped hotdog.  Until today I had never seen that.

Post food, was studying.  The pharms broke out laptops and began talking about pharmstuff.  Generally gibberish to all of us.  Chris played some video game on his phone…really wonder what his degree is, but it seems like fun.  Ashley hopped on our new computer to try and make sense of her homework.  Based on the amount of cursing she was not having much luck.  The kids along with Ashley’s nephew, ran up the stairs, down the stairs, around the table, back up the stairs rinse and repeat.  It was tiring just watching them.  They were having a ton of fun though.  Me, I pulled out the math.  Ashley who was supposed to work on math with me had already left to reward the nephew with a trip to the arcade.  Thankfully Ryan was still here.

I am doing math that I have never, not never as in haven’t seen for a while, but never as in never seen.  It is apparently simple or low-level algebra, but it is new to me.  Parts of it make sense and parts make no sense.  I have to use a calculator, I don’t use calculators.  I want to do it long-wise so I can see the process and once I can see the process I understand it.  Calculators do not allow you to see what you are doing and calculators can be wrong, the professor proved this.  So I was having some issues with some of my homework.  No Sara, so no help that I would normally get.  Ryan was help, he was able to answer my questions in a way that I could understand and see how.  Barb…well she tries, but she too relies on the calculator.

Here is a thought, there is no faith in math and science.  Everything is a process that has a reason.  There is no guessing.  It is because it is.  There are rules and the rules all work together.  A calculator is not always right.  A calculator can be wrong and if you don’t know what was supposed to happen you won’t know that it was wrong, thus you are placing faith in the calculator in a subject that has no faith written into it.  Writing has plenty of faith written into it.  I write a word I have faith that you will understand that word or be able to figure out what the word means or at least what the sentence means.  There are rules, but they are broken all of the time and writing still works.  Break a rule in science and math, you don’t get “new math” or “new science,” you get a wrong answer.  Just a thought.

Taking a break from math and pharm (Barb) we pulled out Munchkin Zombie (see photo, thank you Steve Jackson Games).  It is a card game where you play a zombie trying to eat your way to level 10 where you win.  A simple enough card game that we can teach the basics to Kaylee and Donovan is getting the math.  Donovan won the first game using his own pancreas and spleen to cut a wave of carnage to the top.   Kaylee shouting out “Brrraaaiiiinnnnssss” every few minutes was a ton of fun.

As I bring this blog to a conclusion, for those of you who are reading the Andoril stories (beyond Big Man & Darin is there anyone else?), there was a break in the action.  Sorry about that.  I promise it will resume next week.

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