Hello, I am your Research Monkey, PHD. Welcome to the first of inside Nate’s mind, thoughts, or thinking process or well whatever in the hell you want to call the week long mess you are about to read. Normally questions and the inner workings of my boss are my prevue to write and notify you about, however, this week he has decided to take the responsibility himself. I apologize now for the language and what I will assume are many typos to be.
-R. Monkey, PHD
I enjoy examining how I think about…well everything. Recently I wrote a post where I was talking or trying to talk about the mental leap, okay less of a leap and more of a step, that I have been going through in the sexual area. After answering some questions I got to thinking about what I was trying to say, what I said, and how to say what I was trying to say better or clearer. Follow that? Sure you did.
I have two very broad ways that I think about sex that I am going to have. There is the way I was raised to treat women, which is respectful of their wants and needs. Making sure that their sexual needs and wants are understood and realized, before mine are (yes, Barb gets hers first, most of the time, and definitely all of the time). I have spent most of my sexual life learning about women from women and any other source that I can. I use what I know ,in general, combined with what I learn from the woman I am with, in this case Barb to make sure that she…well she is pleased in the bedroom.
Then there is the way I approach bondage. Bondage is a plan. I come up with something (s) that I want to do, or to accomplish: such as a position, long foreplay, photowork, wax play, or just about anything else. Then I plan the whole thing out. Well the whole thing out as far as equipment needed, positions, and transitions to new positions (I like to make one bondage position to the other as smooth as possible). Bondage does have an organic component to me, usually during, on occasion spur of the moment, but in general I have given the matter some thought before hand. Often well before hand. Usually I have three or four bondage plans roaming around my head.
Together the two ways of thinking combine into a successful method of sex: bondage or no bondage.
Now I am trying to incorporate another way of thinking. One that has been there in the back of my head forever, but not in a sexual sense or at least not recognized in a sexual sense. Being in charge is not something that I have thought about from a sexual sense other than when the topic of male-male-female threesomes is brought up by someone other than us. I have never felt the need to “take charge” or “be dominant” with a woman in the bedroom. Lead in new activities sure, but the traditional role of a Dom is not something I have any thought to and in a way, to me, is counter to my first way of thinking about sex. I give pleasure by doing not by ordering, commanding, leading, or any other word. At least I had not thought about it from that angle. Now I am.
Which leads to the mental step that I am working through. As you can probably tell I am used to either going with the flow or making plans, generally speaking, in neither case do I need to maintain a façade, a persona, or think about what should/could happen. To lead is to have an idea of a direction and to be able to react to changes that occur. I am not sure of the direction I can go, let alone want to go. Every time something new is added to the mix which means something new to learn to incorporate.
A good example one that may be relatable: Bondage is like Chinese cooking-you can give me just about any number of Chinese ingredients and I can make up many dishes. D/s is like Indian cooking which I am just now learning-many of the ingredients are familiar, but I have yet to make my own recipes.
I think that example sums up my mental leap best. I am learning how to cook something new and how to merge the new flavors with the old to make even better food.