By the Music

04 May 2013 11 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!! Tags: , , ,

MickeyNIN, Closer (Downward Spiral): I am trying to decompress.  My thoughts for today and the last few weeks have been a mess of eat, consume, fleeting thoughts of sex, and a desire to do bodily harm.  Thankfully I am older and wiser otherwise at least one person over the past few weeks would have gotten a serious kick to the shin.  At least twice: once to cause a bruise and the second time to kick that bruise.  Back when I was much younger I was a very angry and yes, I will admit to it, a violent man.  Fighting was something I did and did well.  I learned over time to channel that anger and violence into more productive pursuits. For example, I ended up teaching women self-offense for a while.  Those were fun times.

Nothing like having a woman, a pissed off woman, coming at you with fist, knees, feet, and even a chair.  Still the lesson was learned, get angry enough and you will loose self-control.  Lose self-control and you will get hurt more than you hurt someone else.  Although at the time of the chair flying past my head I was wondering about the lesson myself.

NIN, Reptile (Downward Spiral): My children have not learned after eight and five years respectively that when I have the headsets in and the keyboard at my fingertips that I am not paying attention…to them.  Hold on a sec…nope no blood.  Where was I?  Over dinner with Paul and Barb the conversation turned to how Paul had never seen me this frustrated before, so Barb told him a Nathan story.  Everyone who is ever around me long enough has a Nathan story. I like to think of them as warning labels or parables.

rRollins for the WinThe last time I had ever gotten this frustrated was when I was in college for the second time, taking a stress and relaxation course.  Yes, a stress and relaxation course stressed me out to the point of breaking.   This instructor would show up in flip flops, a Hawaiian shirt, and a bad blond wig.  Then he would make us sit in the dark and listen to relaxing noises, whales farting or some shit like that.  Then came the hypnotism lesson, and then the we should all hold hands lesson and on and on it went.  I have my own pace.  I have my own ebb and flow.  I am in control.  I relax my own way.  This for whatever reason set my very nerves on fire and I wanted to kick him as well.  I even made plans to steal his relaxing whales farting and replace the CD with Ministry’s A Mind Is A Terrible Thing to Taste album.  That is what relaxes me.

Paul like everyone else found my getting so wound up by a stress and relaxation class very funny.  I do as well…now.

ChainsThe Prodigy, Breathe (The Fat of the Land): Deep inhale.  Hold…and release as the music hits the crescendo.  NIN is good for introspection or fucking.  Breathe is good for just letting the brain crank up to high gear.  As you can see I am just venting the brain out on whatever the music brings to mind.  Sorry if this is not your cup of tea or if you wanted to know more…just ask questions.  I say that a lot and I mean that, if you want to know anything about me, just ask I have yet to be asked a question that I won’t answer. I have been asked a few that I couldn’t answer at the time, but as soon as I had an answer I got back with them.

Times like this when I am feeling all…cranky, itchy, bitchy, fighty, that I wished we still went dancing.  Hell I wish there was a place to go dancing.  Nothing as satisfying as a night, four hours or more of drinking beers and flailing around on the dance floor to angry music.  That bone tired feeling with just enough amped up energy left over to fuck hard and then fall asleep.  We used to go dancing three nights a week.  I would dance so hard sometimes that I would pull muscles. There was one time I pulled a muscle in my neck so bad that I could not turn my head left for two weeks, but I could still slam dance.  Got to prioritize.

Chains 2Ministry, Burning Inside (A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste): Slam dancing at an industrial club is one thing.  Try slam dancing at a college bar.  I have it is a lot of fun.  College kids think they know so much, are so fucking cool, and well…they have so much to learn, such as the guy who is wearing fatigues, combat boots, a T-shirt that says “FUCK ME” on the front and “THEN LEAVE” on the back who has the sides of his head shaved and hair down to his ass is not to be fucked with.  Nope the never learned, but the bouncers, DJs and club owner certainly did and would have fun.

As long as I arrived an hour before the peak time they would play music for me, no techno music, but straight up industrial music.  This college club was usually the thump, thump of shitty techno, but for an hour three nights a week the sounds of industrial music could be heard.  For that hour the dance floor was MINE!  Dance with me at your own peril as the young couple learned.  The opening rifts of Closer had just come on, and I crawled down to the dance floor.  Yes, crawled.

Then I began to Marilyn Manson, Sweet Dreams (Lest We Forget) gyrate with the song.  Giant pelvic thrusts to “I want to fuck you like an animal.” Then I noticed a man on one side of me and a young woman on the other.  I have no idea how they got there, but they were trying to dance around me.  She was cute and I was…well I always feel NIN…I gestured her way and then began the nastiest pelvic thrusting I could to Closer.  What she did not know, was that the DJ had lowered the video screen and was broadcasting to the whole bar this scene.  She turned sheet white, hands to face, bright red flame of embarrassment, and her man…well he didn’t know what to do.  I love that song.

Chains 3And the one time a frat decided that they wanted my dance floor and thought that by doing their frat guy dance in a cluster around me would work…well they didn’t see the table of twenty other people with me.  I remember Korn coming on and I bumped into one guy, and then another, all wearing those same inspid lettered clothing, doing the “guy dance” around me.  They kept getting closer until one got an elbow to the nose and another got a kick to knee and then my party guests mobbed the dance floor. By the end of the song I was alone on the floor for some White Zombie. Marilyn Manson, Lunchbox (Lest We Forget): NEXT MOTHER FUCKER IS GOING TO GET MY METAL!

Such a fun opening to a song.  So where was I? Oh yeah remembering that there are no clubs to go dancing to around here and I haven’t been dancing in close to 10 years now. Don’t think my body could handle the gyrations…oh but the memories.  Do I miss the angry me?  No, but times like this semester he peeks his head out to say hi and remind me why I found other ways to satisfy him.  Speaking of which, I hear Grand Theft Auto calling. :)

Velvet Acid Christ, Fun With Drugs (Decypher): As I said above I have found other ways of channeling that angry young man still inside me. I know I feel a lot better now, you learned more about me you didn’t want to know including some music I listen too.

Pride, Disappointment, Respect, and Waste

29 Apr 2013 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: ,

Viking HelmA prompt, not a frompt which is something else by Mrs. Fever, in regards to my forthcoming 800th Post Extravaganza was a retrospective-looking back on Naked in Life.  Initially I liked the idea, but then again so much time has passed and I have written so much about Naked in Life, both here (just type in Naked in Life in the search bar) and in Scrawlings of a Mad Man that I am not sure what to add.  Well I do know what to add in regards to years later, I am still extremely glad and proud that I got to work with those three women.

I am very proud of the work we did and…then I am extremely disappointed in how all three reacted to the finished product.  Not with dislike or criticism, but shock that I really did follow through and turn two-years worth of work into a book and that I intended to sell the book (in their contracts is a profit sharing clause that is how positive I was about the book) as I had said all along.  Hell, I am still disappointed by that.  Especially, when I take into account that one of the women spent time at her work pre-selling copies of the book to customers.

I am within my rights to publish Naked in Life and make some money.  I have everything contractually to ignore their objections especially as spurious as the objections were at the time and have proven to be.  However, that being said, I respect them and I respect their wishes.  I may not like or even understand why they spent two years naked in front of my camera or why they put so much work into the whole project only to, at the very end cry “you can’t what will my boyfriend think?”

Ummm…I am pretty sure they would find the whole thing pretty damn hot and be proud to be dating you.  Alas, mine was the sole dissenting voice and I do like and respect them.  So as of today I own three copies of Naked in Life: a short version (the first copy when I wasn’t that good at page layout), a deluxe edition with a fourth woman, and a hardcover copy that I am particularly proud of.  I have sold, before I took the book down after their lengthy protests about “what will boyfriends think” and “what will jobs think” and “what if someone saw it that I knew” two copies.  One of the owners contacted me and told me how cool they thought the book was and wanted to know if I would do another.

UpCloseSo what do I do or have I done with two years worth of photos, that when last counted came out 7,500 give or take a hundred? A year of work selecting the best photos and editing them into really nice black and white photos. Six months of learning how to do page layout for an ENTIRE book in Word (you try to do it and get back with me on the difficulty I still have nightmares :) ).  I, on occasion, use some of the photos here, such as those in this post (you should recognize Naked in Life photos by now), but most of them sit in one of two backup drives collecting dust.  A waste of time and effort.  I don’t like waste of any kind and yet in the end that is what Naked in Life turned out to be, a waste.

Would I do a new Naked in Life?  Without a doubt yes.  I wouldn’t change a thing other than using what I learned and making it very clear repeatedly that when I say I am going to make a book out of this that I indeed will make a book.  Oh, I would change a couple of other things, I would love to photograph couples and groups (all varieties), and men this time around.

A Busy Day and A Paper

23 Apr 2013 5 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , , ,

Note from Management: If you notice the time I just got in, got sat down, for the first real amount of time today.  Classes, meetings, and life have kept me very busy.  I had another “mind” post for today, but I was kept busy.  The only thing of significance I achieved today was this paper.  No, I don’t expect you to read it. :)

The Cultural Significance of Spongebob Squarepants

I love Spongebob Squarepants.  My children love Spongebob Squarepants.  Most children when asked, love Spongebob.  Most adults when asked, either love or hate Spongebob.  There is no middle ground in how adults feel about Spongebob.

“He is not allowed in my house!”-Kristy

“I love how the show has stuff for adults.”-Mark

“That Squidward looks like a giant penis offends me!”-Sarah

“What?”-Everyone who heard the above comment.

Spongebob is a cultural phenomenon that has in 14 years expanded well beyond the show’s meager beginnings on Nickelodeon. Premiering May 1999, Spongebob is now wrapping up their 10th season with an 11th season guaranteed.  With over 100 15-minute episodes, two full length feature movies, and three half-hour specials, Spongebob Squarepants has been on television longer than many other “mainstream” shows.  Combine all of the programing with the twice daily, two to three hour block rotation and Spongebob is watched more often by children than the nightly news is watched by adults and this is just in the United States.  Spongebob Squarepants has been translated for and is seen in over 15 different countries. (Wikipedia. (n.d.) Spongebob Squarepants. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spongebob)

I should back up a bit.  What or who is Spongebob Squarepants?  After all there are people who do not know or refuse to know. Spongebob Squarepants is an animated television show on the Nickelodeon channel.  Each half-hour show consists of two fifteen-minute long episodes.  Unlike most television shows there is almost no continuity between any of the episodes beyond the characters and the occasional reference to a past event.  Bikini Bottom, the fictional home of Spongebob, has been destroyed numerous times with no effect on the rest of the show.  The next                         episode Bikini Bottom is always.

The main character of the show is Spongebob Squarepants.  Spongebob is a square yellow sponge who wears brown square pants, and lives in a pineapple.  Simple enough.  He talks in a loud voice, whines, cries, and openly displays emotions without regard to the reactions of the world around him.  Spongebob is not an educated sponge, unless you take into account his prodigious knowledge about the Krusty Krab and Kraby Patties.  Or the single episode where he learned all that there was to know about boating.  Or that one episode where he had his brain wiped clean to know all that there was to know about being the best server ever.  Actually, just focus on the Krusty Krab where Spongebob works.  He loves his job.  He is rarely late to work, always stays late, never complains, and works harder than the other employee Squidward.  Spongebob treats the customers with respect, and above all loves to cook Kraby Patties.

Spongebob’s best friend is Patrick Star.  Patrick is a pink starfish who wears green Hawaiian style shorts and lives under a rock, his home.  Saying that Patrick is not smart is a generous statement.  His one consistent and considerable talent is not thinking.  Well that and going jelly fishing with Spongebob.  Jelly fishing is when Patrick and Spongebob chase jellyfish in Jellyfish Fields with nets.  After catching the jellyfish they release the jellyfish unharmed.  As not smart as Patrick appears to be, he is a voice of wisdom on the show.  Often saying at the right moment the right words for the situation be those words inspirational, observational, or just funny.

“Yay! I love being purple.”-Patrick Star, Spongebob Movie

Squidward lives in-between Spongebob and Patrick in a giant Easter Island head.  Squidward is a squid, although if you count his limbs he is closer to an octopus.  He has a bulbous nose, a superior attitude, in his eyes he is cultured when compared to everyone else, works at the Krusty Krab, and in his own words “hates Spongebob.”  Squidward believes that he is the only cultured individual in Bikini Bottom.  Unless you count his rival Squilliam Fancyson.  Squidward paints, plays the clarinet, dances “correctly”, and watches Fancy and Fit until the show was canceled. To say that Squidward works is an injustice to the word work, he stands at the register, looks down his nose at all of the customers, does less than what is required, and when he can Squidward sleeps or reads cultured magazines on the job.

Mister Krabs is the owner of the Krusty Krab.  Mister. Krabs is a red crab who lives in a giant anchor with his daughter Pearl, who happens to be a whale.  Yes, a whale.  Mister Krabs cares about one thing money.  If a penny falls on the floor he will and has wrestled anyone, no matter their size or species, for the penny.  He loves money so much that he signed away his soul to the Flying Dutchman and gave away Spongebob for 69 cents. During one episode he was granted his wish that his money could talk to him.  Frequently Spongebob will bust into his office for an emergency only to find Mister Krabs having a candle lit dinner with a stack of money, taking a bath in a pool of money, or having to look for Mister Krabs around a giant pile of money on his desk.  After money Mister Krabs cares about the secret recipe for the Kraby Patty that he co-created with Plankton, his rival and nemesis.  The only reason he cares about the secret recipe is because without the Kraby Patty he would have no money.

Sandy Cheeks is the resident scientist and lone female character with any significant airtime.  Sandy is a squirrel from Texas, who wears a diving suit with a giant fish bowl over her head.  She is extremely smart, an accomplished scientist, rodeo rider, and karate expert.  Sandy is closest to Spongebob, providing a feminine and educated voice to the show.  Sandy does not tolerate any bashing of Texas or women.  Even being known for “feeling” when Spongebob insulted women when she was far away only to drive her point home at the end of the episode.

Gary is a snail and Spongebob’s pet.  Gary makes cat noises, and when compared to Spongebob is smarter, worldlier, and wiser.  Gary taught Spongebob how to tie his shoes when he forgot how to, and frequently shows that even creatures or people without a voice can make themselves heard and are not to be ignored.  The best example is when Gary was forced to take part in a pet show.  Frustrated that Spongebob was not listening to him Gary led the other pets in rebellion casting off the costumes their owners forced them to wear and freeing themselves.

At this point you are probably wondering at what possible cultural significance there could be in Spongebob just based on those barebones descriptions of Spongebob and his friends.  Well each of the characters occupies a social role or way of being that is easy to recognize.  For example, Mister Krabs is a successful business krab and greedy and Squidward is cultured and vain.  To children and adults are stereotypical, if exaggerated, ways of behaving along with ways to  respond to these behaviors, people, and the world around them.  These easy to recognize stereotypes and traits make Spongebob accessible to anyone.

If that was not clear enough, let me put this to you in the following way, the show has been on television for a uniterrupted14 years.  Even for a four year period when they did not produce new episodes, Spongebob was on the air, on Nickelodeon, one of the most popular channels for children.  Spongebob and the cast of Bikini bottom have been influencing children with a positive philosophy of living for that long.  Millions of children. (Wikipedia. (n.d.) Spongebob Squarepants. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spongebob)

OH NO!  You say that a cartoon about a talking sponge has been influencing the behavior and thinking of children for 14 years.  Yes I say and I say positively influencing children for that long as well.  That can’t be!  Well some people have tried to prove that indeed that can’t be.

Spongebob has been subject to accusations that he is a homosexual.  Primarily, due to his singing, which he does often, his close friendship with Patrick, and his sometimes goofy gender bending behavior.  Why anyone would need to assign a sexuality to a sponge is beyond me…he is a sponge and everyone knows that sponges are asexual. (Wikipedia. (n.d.) Spongebob Squarepants. Retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spongebob)

When Spongebob’s sexuality was not in question, the bigger issue was his affect on the children who watched the show.  Does watching Spongebob cause behavioral issues?  Does watching Spongebob make children stupid?  Does watching Spongebob lead to children watching harder cartoons in darkened rooms?  In 2011, a University of Virginia study was released too much fanfare that stated that just watching nine minutes of Spongebob caused four-year old children to do worse on tests immediately after watching the nine minutes of Spongebob than children who had not watched any Spongebob.  In spite of the well-publicized results the reality was much different. (Christian Science Monitor (2011, September 12). Spongebob study: Do fast-paced cartoons impair kid’s thinking? Retrieved from http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2011/0912/SpongeBob-study-Do-fast-paced-cartoons-impair-kids-thinking)

The study’s size was extremely small, under 50 children altogether.  The children were all from the same socio-economical background.  The tests the children were given were activities such as coloring or stacking.  Given the typical episode length of 15 minutes only allowing the children to watch 9 minutes should be considered as a factor for poor behavior and test taking. Finally, the children were four-years old that alone should have been a factor, as the show is not aimed at children that young.

Even while under attack Spongebob grew from the boundaries of a television show.  Today Spongebob and friends can be found in books, magazines, as stickers, as toys, as games, as crystal studded jewelry that sells for hundreds of dollars (Zales. (n.d.) Spongebob crystal square pendant in sterling silver. Retrieved from http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3875279 ), holiday themed decorations and doodads, clothing, apparel, fast food toys, Duck Tape, video games, and even a couple of amusement park rides in Six Flags Over Texas, Mall of America, and even a 15-minute long show at the Chicago Shed Aquarium.  A person can go anywhere and find someone or many someone’s who will talk about Spongebob…good or bad.

But why?  Why has Spongebob become so popular?  The show is a clever mix that appeals to children and adults.  Children love the vibrant colors, the action, the music, and the simple messages that are in every episode. Adults who love Spongebob find the hidden humor aimed at them; clever turns of a phrase, interactions between the characters, and yes even the simple messages that are in every episode.

What messages am I talking about?  Spongebob only makes noise, usually loud and whiny sounding noises.  If you are looking for a highbrow, deep thinking approach to Spongebob I highly suggest that you read Spongebob Squarepants and Philosophy: Soaking Up Secrets Under the Sea by Joseph J. Foy where several philosophers from different backgrounds discuss the deeper meaning behind Spongebob and Bikini bottom.  Each essay is written around a theme or character of the show using a specific philosophy that shows how Spongebob is not just a simple children’s show about nothing.  However, I think that the simple messages are the messages that resonate the most with people.

Some of the messages are:

  • Always see something new every day.  No matter what you think there is something new to be seen. Sometimes though you have to look really hard.
  • Love your job.  Love what you do for a living.  Doesn’t matter what the job is to other people, it only matters what the job is to you.
  • Money comes and money goes.  Money only has the value you place on it.
  • Your dumbest friend is actually a lot smarter than you think.
  • Sometimes it pays to turn your brain off for a day.
  • Do something fun no matter what other people think of you.
  • Fun can be found anywhere and at any time.
  • Ask questions no matter how stupid someone else thinks they are.  The question was important enough for you to think of it, so ask it.
  • Believe that something good is around the corner, it makes the tough times easier and makes the fun times more colorful.
  • A smile beats a frown.
  • Stand up for what you believe.
  • Stand up for your friends.
  • Be there for your friends and family.

What you don’t believe me that each of those messages can be found in an episode of Spongebob?  Perhaps you aren’t paying attention. Let me give you another example from Spongebob: Every day no matter what happens to Spongebob he looks forward to going to work at the Krusty Krab.  Even after his house was destroyed, he got lost, and Squidward yelled at him for playing another round of door slam, Spongebob went to work with a smile on his face.  He worked his shift.  He made his food with a smile on his face and a song on his lips.  At the end of the day he went home satisfied and happy.  How many of you will be able to say that?  There is at least one lesson in there-love your job.  Unfortunately, many adults focus on the loud, screaming, crying, and singing sponge rather than the message behind the sponge.  Children they may not get the message directly, but they pick up on the message regardless.

The cultural importance of Spongebob is not through the merchandise, the theme parks, or even the jewelry.  The cultural importance of Spongebob is expressed through the smiles put on faces, the laughs at the images and jokes, and the simple message…no the simple philosophy of living that has crossed over into the wider world: Smile, laugh, see something new every day, love your job, do not be afraid, and with the help from your friends anything can be done-even moving an entire city out of the way of an Alaskan Bull Worm.

Finally, I leave you with one last message: Always remember to feed your snail.

New Sight, No Silence, No Work!

17 Apr 2013 12 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!! Tags: , , , ,

Today has been an odd duck of a day.  I had one goal today, write my term paper for the class I can’t stand for the professor I don’t respect.  This means that for me this is not something that I want to do.  This in fact makes this work.  Writing is not work for me.  This is work for me.

I had the single goal of by now having the entire 10 page rough draft written out and by now be working on the edits, finalizing the text, inserting citations, and being done.  A, B, C, D, or F I do not really care.  That is how disgusted I am with this class.  My usual over the top pride in my work has not kicked in either.  Sure there is a twinge of guilt when I read what I have written, but I do not want to waste any more of my time.  I just don’t.

It is possible that by the end my pride in my work will kick in and I will make an awesome paper and give an awesome presentation.  However at this moment I am seriously leaning towards wadding my paper up and throwing it at the professor while I give my presentation which starts with, “Aside from you and you (pointing directly at two students) the rest of you should seriously give a thought to dropping out and finding a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant or someone to marry because none of you are worth a shit.” I won’t do that.  I want to do that.  No scratch that what I really want to do is call their parents and let their parents know that little Johnny and little Betty have missed close to three or in one case four WEEKS of class. Me? I have not missed a single day.  In fact I was even there when the professor decided to take a day off.  Thus my attendance is perfect and I know the material.

So with that one, single, solitary goal in mind do you know how much I got done?

None.  Well that is not true I got roughly 400 hundred words typed out which interestingly enough is about how many words there are here.  Why do I have a similar amount of words here and in under 10 minutes when a full 10 hours of work have passed by?  Chalk it up to my children.  Originally I only had one child, but she would not stop talking and she for whatever reason could not occupy herself like she usually does.  Even allowing her to watch her shows did not work.  I can work through some noise, but non-stop chattering kills my train of thought.

Want to guess when I got my 400 words done?  If you guessed when Barb took her to get the boy from school.  That brief amount of time I banged out a bunch of words.  Then both children were home and inspite of being asked to be quiet, to leave dad alone, to occupy themselves neither of them could do so.  Well that is not true…while I was cooking dinner my girl assisted and my boy occupied himself.

Then…cue ominous music…I sat down to work on my paper, my fingers touched the keypad I typed “Th…$#^QOENW!!!!” as suddenly my boy HAD to ask me a question.  A question SO important that he had to ask ME.  Not his mother who has been sitting in a chair “working” on the same email for close to two hours.  No he HAD to ask me.

Now I have my peace and quiet.  I blew my top.  The kids are playing upstairs and I feel like an ass.

Did I mention I got new glasses?

See odd duck.

Share and Share A Like

09 Apr 2013 17 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Sex Thought, Where Do I Get To Vent? Tags: , , ,

Today’s discovery of being banned, censored, or shoved off to a little side bar of WordPress reinforced something that I have been thinking about doing.  Something I think those bloggers who do choose to write about sex should be doing more of which is communicating and sharing with each other.  I’m not saying that there has to be one happy family.  I am not stupid.  There are however, more than enough of us that can behave in a mature, responsible, and civil manner towards one another.  Respect is the word I like to use.

To that end I have done something that I have not done to this point, there is now a link list of blogs that I read, mostly sex or sexual in nature.  These are bloggers who I read everything they write.  I respect their views, even if I don’t always understand or agree with them.  My list is far from complete.  I know this.  If you have suggestions for my link list speak up.  I am more than willing to look at other blogs and add them to my list.

I encourage other bloggers to create their own link list, if they haven’t, I know I am late to the party.  I encourage bloggers who write about sex to continue to communicate with other bloggers.  Visit other sites.  Comment, like, and follow if you like what you read.  Let them know that you liked what you read.  If WordPress wants to shove us off into the corner then we should make that corner as comfortable as possible for us and everyone else who gets shoved over here.

Perhaps if we can demonstrate that we have something to say, something that shouldn’t be hidden, and that we are more than just sex maybe, just maybe WordPress will do something for us.  Such as create an area where we have our own Reader and instead of having to label our blogs as mature WordPress will have people verify their age.  A gate so to speak, a mature gate.

I am fine with being labeled a mature writer.

I am mature.

I do write about topics that children and young adults should not have access to without adult supervision.

But damn it instead of trying to hide what I and others write which only makes the subject matter more taboo and mysterious than the subject really is, give us our own place.

I don’t know if anyone from WordPress is listening, but this would be great PR for them.  This would be a good business decision for them.  There are more than enough sex writers to justify what I am suggesting.

I know I am an optimist, a dreamer, or delusional-your choice.

But I refuse to be shoved off into a corner especially when I have made many friends and have read many wonder posts and found that I am not the only blogger trying to provide a valuable service-openly talk about sex.

Building A Better Blogger: MATURE

09 Apr 2013 39 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Building A Better Blogger Tags: , , , ,

Welcome back.  I think I will make an excellent instructor for this fall class.  Why?  I will have experience that most other instructors will not have.  Most instructors will be writing about a ”safe” topic.   They will not know how to talk to or advise someone that wants to write about a mature subject. I write on this blog about SEX and sex is not something that you are supposed to write about on WordPress or at least not supposed to be seen.  A blog ago, I wondered about the drop in views and now I know.  My blog has been labeled MATURE material.

What does this mean?

  • Well it means that someone or more likely multiple someone’s reported my blog as having mature or offensive material.
  • It means that the powers that be at WordPress reviewed at least one of these complaints.
  • They found them valid.
    • How this review process occurs I do not know.
    • That there is NO notification or appeal process bothers me a great deal.  This should bother you as well.
  • Upon finding that I am producing MATURE, but not Term of Service violating material, my blog is removed from the Reader.  This means that people cannot find me on WordPress just by typing in a Tag.
    • As far as I know there is not a MATURE section of WordPress where you can easily find other people writing about sex.
  • It may mean that people have to prove their age to access my blog, again not sure.  If there is one area that WordPress is lacking is good communications with bloggers.

Okay, that is what happened.  Here is why I am not ranting and railing against what happened.

  • I agree that much of what I have written, especially of late, and will write in the future may be offensive to some people.
  • I agree that I do write material for a MATURE audience.  I do not want young people, under 16, to read my material without the ability to ask me or other people LOTS of questions.
  • I agree that my blog is not one the “types” of blogs that WordPress approves of, even though my blog does offer information and advice about sex, there is a lot of SEX.
  • I expected this to happen, much in the same way that I expect Facebook to shut down my Speaking Out (insert topic) page.
  • I will not stop writing about sex as I feel how I am writing about sex is a good for many people: providing information.
  • If there was an appeals process I would not fight, BUT I would offer a suggestion to WordPress that they establish a way for MATURE people to communicate with other MATURE bloggers as easily as before.

So what now?

As far as I am concerned nothing changes.   I am disappointed that WordPress feels that writing about sex or of a sexual nature is something that should be hidden from public view.  In a way I understand, American culture is so very messed up about sex, but I would prefer that instead of trying to hide people behind the veil of MATURE, that WordPress offer a place for those of us who are communicating about sex a place to do so with others.

Do I want to see pornography on WordPress? NO.  Unequivocally NO.  Do I want to read people who write about sex and sexuality in a good, mature, and responsible way?  YES!  Do I like reading good erotica and do I think that well written erotica is a valid part of the conversation on sex and sexuality?  YES.

I am choosing to wear my MATURE label as a badge of honor.   Those of us who choose to write about sex understand that at least in this country that we will always run into this attitude.  This is why I believe that people who do write about sex need to communicate more, better, responsibly, and civically with each other and the world around us.  I will not give into anger, I could, but anger only proves their point.

My point, is that sex is something that all of us do, and most of us know very little about, why try to hide information that so many people are looking for?

On a Toothpick

08 Apr 2013 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Food Thought Tags: , , , ,

Boy did I have plans today. A post with questions from Invisible Girl and why I find sexual stereotypes interesting and at times funny was the plan for the blog. Work on both term papers.  Work on homework. Clean house up a bit.  Cook dinner.  However, my children decided that today was the day to push all of my buttons at the same time.  That is a lot of buttons pushed and one very irritated man.  I decided to cook some fun food for me instead of sitting around pissed off.  And of course I found out that I was out of one of the main ingredients.  Fuck!  All was not lost though, as I am a good cook with an understanding how stuff should, note the should, taste.

In FU! Crockpot there is a recipe called Sliced Killbasa.

Hardware:

  • 3 quart crockpot
  • toothpicks (for that authentic feel)

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound of beef kielbasa sliced thin
  • 1/2 cup grape jam/jelly
  • 1/4 cup steak sauce
  • 2 tbsp. yellow mustard or Dijon (Dijon has a better flavor)
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar
  • 2 tbsp. honey

Instructions:

Put it all into a pre-heated 3 quart crockpot on LOW for 2 to 4 hours or on HIGH for 1 to 2 hours.  Turn down to WARM or LOW to keep food at temperature.

Yep that is all there is.  This is a good thing to snack on for the day especially if you have more than you with.  Serving on toothpicks makes the experience more authentic…if authentic to you is chunks of sample sized meat on a toothpick-you know like the grocery store samples.

As good as this is today I made something BETTER.

I will call this BBQ Sliced Killbasa.

Hardware:

  • 3 quart crockpot
  • toothpicks (for that authentic feel)

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound of beef kielbasa sliced thin
  • 1/2 cup grape jam/jelly
  • 1/4 cup BBQ sauce (I used Sweet Baby Ray’s)
  • 2 tbsp. white sugar
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar
  • 2 tbsp. honey
  • gherkins or dill pickle slices

Instructions:

I replaced the steak sauce with BBQ sauce, added more sugar, and got rid of the honey.  Barb won’t eat the original recipe, but she was eating these.  BIG SMILE!  My girl couldn’t stop eating them.  Cook exactly as the Sliced Killbasa.

Here are two variations and you can thank my girl for these.  Slice a gherkin and put the slices on top of a slice of killbasa slice.  Eat together.  I liked the gherkin better than what my girl really wanted which was regular old dill pickle slices.  Again, put dill pickle on top of a slice of killbasa and consume.

Hopefully after the kids get put to bed I will feel like finishing up my original post.

I’m Violating My Own Advice

06 Apr 2013 13 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought Tags: , , , , , , ,

This has been a weird week all around.

Busy?I despise the word busy.  Busy, much like kinky, has been coopted by people who don’t know what the words really mean.  For example: “I’m busy.”  That is nice, how do you define busy?  Oh, you spent the day watching television.  That is not busy to me.  That is entertaining yourself, but were you occupied in a manner that kept you from doing other stuff no.  Busy, to me, means being occupied by some other task that you cannot do other more entertaining things.  For example: “I was busy at work.”  Ah, you were at work.  I don’t care what you did at work, you were at work and that word alone implies busy and an obligation beyond your control, thus I am fine with that use of busy.

Sorry it is snowing out and I have a half-dozen shit things on my mind.  Busy being one of them.  The weird flow on the blog-blogosphere being another.  Term paper madness being another.  And so on…so please excuse me mentally vomiting on my blog, I hope I don’t splash any on yours.

Blog-Weirdness

Blog wise this has been a weird week, bare in mind that I am a stat-whore.  I keep an eye on my stats for a variety of reasons ranging from idle curiosity to a sign of the health of my blog.  A good example is that I have over the past week picked up 30 some followers.  Holy crap that is awesome right?  Well two of them are real people, with blogs of their own.  The rest are email followers with email addresses like buyhandbags and loanmoney which tells me that the spammers have learned how to type in an email.  Not very happy about that and there is nothing I can do about that.  Word Press does not allow the blog owner, me or you, do anything about people who follow or like them, only comments.

SqueezToyThen there has been the posting and commenting weirdness.  I only mention this because of the radical departure from previous weeks and months.  Here is a stat that you may not know: 66% of all bloggers quit blogging after 6 months.  That stat may explain where all of the blogs I follow went.  I follow just over 200 blogs.  I get to read new posts from roughly 20 of them a day/week.   Yes, you read that right, out of 200 only 20 to 25 post on a regular basis.  The last time I checked many of the 200 had not posted in over 4 months.  This week the regular 20 to 25 have not been posting as much.  I think down to 10 to 15.

Coinciding with the lack of posts has been a drop in views and comments.  Interestingly enough I have noticed a pattern of two to three weeks of solid views and comments followed by one or two weeks of lower views and comments.  Now is right about time for one of those drops.  Even with this information I am not sure what to do with the information.  I can’t make people read or comment. I can only write.  However a question that I have, is there a noticeable difference in quality in my writing every two to three weeks?

Term Paper Madness

Bear LiesI think I have written before how, for me, this has been the semester from hell.  One professor who knew less than me.  One professor who didn’t care.  One professor without a sense of humor that I can find.  Hardly too much work or too difficult work to do, but overload from a thousand tiny homework cuts.  Every class this semester has had at least four assignments per week.  On their own not difficult at all, but piled together each with their own due dates has been a challenge to organize.  On the plus side I have learned what NOT to do for my class. :)

Since this is the end of the semester it is term paper time.  A term paper about sex, a term paper about optimizing volunteers, and finally an yet to announced term paper. I like to write, but due this semester and the lack of input from the professors I am not feeling inclined to put forth my best effort.  In fact for one class I was seriously considering turning in a term paper that I wrote 10 year ago.  Then I was reminded that I have pride and that even when nobody else gives a shit that I do.  Damn people who know me.  If not for them I would be mostly done with this semester using papers from a decade or so ago.

Bonus Round

Congratulations you made it to the bottom where I have a question.

For those readers following the D/s topic (here, here, and here) where would you like the topic to go next?  Seriously asking for directional input.

Finally, I apologize if my verbal-mental vomit splattered. :)

I Can See

04 Apr 2013 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!! Tags: , , , , ,

Tama de!

Holy shitsnacks my vision has finally returned to normal which after the eye appointment I know need new glasses to see “correctly.”

They dilated my damn pupils and I didn’t like it.  My near-sightedness turned into near-blindedness.  Sensitivity to light FUCK ALL not only turn that fucking light that you are now shining in my eye down, but can someone shoot the sun out of the sky please?!  I’m already sensitive to light and now I am feeling a bit out of sorts, confused a bit because I can’t seem to make my eyes focus on anything within in 5 feet and if you can get that close to me and you are not a child of mine, Barb, owe me money, bringing me food, or attempting to have sex with you my natural instinct is to punch and kick until I am standing over you.  I know that I should not have to do that in the middle of the eye doctor’s but because I can’t focus on FUCK ALL my brain is reverting to old patterns of behavior.  Then there is the headache that did not start slowly, but as soon as I was exposed to light punched me in the fucking melon and now I am irritated.

Not a good combo.

Not a happy Nate.

And now my child who had behaving like a perfect angel during the hour and a half long exam with two interns has decided that she is going to disobey me.  She must sense weakness.  That will not stand and it does not, but since I cannot see clearly I can only hope that the child I have and am speaking to in mish-mash of angry dad, Chinese, and Japanese is mine.  Hell maybe I should have checked that the misbehaving child was mine in the first place.

We decided to walk to our appointment and now having to walk back with dilated eyes this exercise program seems like a huge honking mistake.  Better to get behind two tons of steel and drive blind than walk.  Better to crush a few fucktards in our bid to get home and out of the light faster than to have to walk.  Lose weight bah!  I don’t need to see my junk or feet again.  Deity damn this headache is enough to make me wish I heard voices and talked to inanimate objects.

Made it home wearing cheap plastic dark colored wrap around “sunglasses” that make me look like a elderly hobo.  TURN OFF ALL of the lights!  Close the blinds!  Turn on the computer. FUCK DOUBLE FUCK ALL my retinas.  Why in the hell do I have the brightness turned up to retina searing brain frying 100!   Resist urge to smash the computer into paste.

My head hurts.  My eyes are betraying me.  Oooooh a caramel apple sucker.

Ah, blessed peace as long as I keep my eyes closed.  Turn my head away from the sun trying to sneak in past the blinds.  FUCK its better.  Cover my head like you do with a parrot.

Sleep…nap.

Off to dinner with Paul.  I have no idea what was served to me.  I know what I ordered, but I can’t see it unless I push the plate to the other side of the table which just looks odd. I can hear Paul’s voice so I am sure that I am talking to him.

POP!

In the middle of dinner my eyesight snaps back into place.  That is Barb, those are my kids, that is Paul, and that is the food I ordered.  The headache retreats, the sun goes down, and all is well.

Easily Distracted

01 Apr 2013 17 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , , , , , ,

Ever have one of those days where you can’t seem to focus on any one thing long enough to be productive?  That was my, no that IS my, day today.  I woke up with a plan.

  • To start term paper #1, only #1 because it is for the first class of my week.
  • To write two or three blogs for Speaking Out on Sex, a Kinky Fuckery, a Building a Better Blogger, and one other (unspecified at this moment)
  • To work on my One Note notebook for the fall blogging class
  • To update the Sex Index
  • To clean up the kitchen

And here is what I got done today

  • I came up with the title for term paper #1: Under Our Culture We Are All Naked: Sex Culture in the United States
  • I did not get either blog written, duh, I have thoughts for both, but just haven’t been able to focus on writing either
  • I did work on my One Note, speaking of which if you are like me and like to make lots of notes of thoughts One Note is awesome, notebook for the fall blogging class.  In fact SassySarah gave me another thing to add to my “You should be aware of this” file for the students.
  • I did update the Sex Index, it is now up to 4. :)
  • I am cleaning up the kitchen.

Still I wanted to get more done on the term paper and two blogs.  Ah well.  If I have learned anything about writing forcing the issue gets me nothing but a mess that I have to explain the next day.  So I will not force the issue I will focus on a few other little things that are on my mind that some of you may find useful.

Name Change: I am thinking of changing the name of the blog. Yes, once again.  I am thinking to Speaking Out on Sex-U-Ality or maybe just Speaking Out on Sexuality. This is not an “I’m gonna do it no matter what,” but something I am thinking of and would like some feedback on-even name suggestions.  Thoughts?

Building A Better Blogger: After a brief conversation with Mrs. Fever, I have decided to show all of you the instruction sheets (as I get them done) for the fall class.  Hopefully when you look over them you can point out any errors, alternate ways, and language that needs to cleared up.  Then the finished instructions will get posted on a page for all to use whenever they want.  Same with other class material.  In addition, I will be posting Building A Better Blogger over on Speaking Out on Life, there are people there who don’t come here and vice versa. This was part of my problem with making A Building a Better Blogger post today.

For Kinky Fuckery: If any other bloggers have questions that the would like to ask, but don’t want to put the questions on their blog or don’t have a blogs worth of questions feel free to send them to me and I will put them in a blog post. The success of Invisible Girl’s and SassySarah’s questions demonstrated the usefulness of this to me.  Both of their questions got answered multiple times in multiple ways.

Thank You to the Interviewees: Thank you to everyone who volunteered to be interviewed via email and responded. Your answers have been very valuable, informative, and useful.  I am very thankful that you took the time out of your day to respond to my questions.  I apologize for not being on top of responding immediately all of the time.  For now I am done sending you questions.  Again, thank you to each and everyone of you.

Thank You to…: Thank you to all of my readers.  Let me start with, the responses to questions, comments, and the conversations have been beyond my wildest expectations.  Everyone has provided useful information, experiences, more questions, and been civil and respectful the entire time.  I could not ask for a better group of readers.  Now why, you may be wondering,  I am thanking you all again. Well as of yesterday I have as many views as I had ALL last year plus the first two months of my blog.  I am floored by this.  I am always happy to see any views, likes, follows, and responses.  To see that in the first three months of this year I have as many views as I had after a year and two months floors me.

Thank you.  I hope that all of you continue to read, comment, and follow along.

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