This is Zach.
Well this is the top of Zach’s head.
Zach is a man with a dream.
Zach does not dream of riches.
Zach does not dream of fame, infamy or even outfamy.
Zach dreams of changing the world.
Zach dreams of making millions of people happy.
Zach dreams of sex.
Zach dreams of the jackhammer.
Zach dreams of the jackhammer partly because a jackhammer is part of his job.
Zach dreams of changing the name jackhammer in the sexual world. No longer will jackhammer be something that inexperienced, overexcited young men do, but a skill.
Zach dreams of a day when saying you know the jackhammer is greeted with applause instead of women putting their hands over their genitals in fear of the battering to come.
Zach has a plan.
Step One, Realizing It Takes Two To Tango
Zach sat and thought. Then inspiration, like inspiration does, struck without warning or in this case literally he was struck by inspiration when he fell off a loading dock. Laying there bruised by inspiration he said, “Ah ha! Why must we lay when we could fly or at least fall.”
Zach sat and pondered. He had an idea, but he needed to see the idea.
Zach drew up a plan.
Zach flew off his bed.
Zach realized after much trial and error that the jackhammer would work best with a woman instead of his smashed pillows with holes driven through them.
Step Two, This is Tango?
Zach searched high and wide, long and close, and met with failure many a time.
“You want to what? With me? I think not,” Zach heard many a time.
No amount of showing them the diagrams, most lovingly drawn complete with measurements and they were impressive, would convince a woman.
No amount of showing them the smushed pillows with holes driven through them would convince them of his dream.
“Why can’t you just jackhammer me like every other man,” they would say after seeing the holed-pillow”?
“I cannot jackhammer you like every other man, because I am a man with a dream and my dream I shall have,” Zach would respond, usually to a door that had just closed.
Step Three, Taking Flight…To the Hospital
Zach would not let his dream die.
Zach spent all of his spare time perfecting the jackhammer.
Zach refined his diagrams and measurements, not that any woman would even look at them.
Zach perfected his technique flying through the air and landing upon the pillow.
Zach bought lots of pillows.
Zach met a woman one day.
“Sure I will try anything once especially if new,” she said.
Zach showed her his diagrams, now a book-hand stitched.
Zach showed her his smushed holed pillows proof of his technique.
“Show me no more. I want to do not read. I want to experience not see,” she said.
Zach was overjoyed.
She lay on the floor.
Zach flew through the air.
“You look like an eagle in flight,” she said.
The paramedics said that she would recover from the impact.
Step Four, Taking Stock
Zach has a dream.
Zach may be concerned with making the world a better place, but that is not Zach’s dream.