Mr. Grumpy Pants

20 May 2013 20 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!! Tags: , , , , , , ,

I am angry.

I am full of rage.

I am full of hatred.

I am frustrated.

I am irritated.

Everything around me is working my last nerve.

I don’t feel like doing anything and at the same time I want to go do something.

New people move in behind us and the only thought going through my head is, “How long until they do something to piss me off.”

I don’t know these people.

They have done nothing more than move in behind us.

Yet, at this moment, I want them gone.

I hate being here.

I love the area, but hate the college.

The area is full of life, vibrant, full of color, and makes the inner me happy.

The college is a blight upon the land and a disgrace to the word education.

I don’t want to be filled with anger.

In the past I had things to do to burn off my rage, outlets for my unused energy.

I no longer fight.

I no longer teach self-offense.

I no longer have stupid video games like DOOM.

I do not have any friends nearby to do anything with.

I would paint, but I am out of miniatures.

I would write, but even that irritates me.

This blog irritates me.

Unfocused, mercurial, with extreme edges like it’s owner.

My stats irritate me.

My stats don’t bother me.

Like everything else over the past week I cannot explain what is on my mind other than in terms of contradicting extremes.

I would fuck my rage away, but Barb caught a cold, she says that she didn’t do it on purpose.

I believe her.

I hate her cold. :)

The heat bothers me where did Spring go?

The storms sooth the inner me.

I want more storms.

Until I get sinusey, then I want the storms gone.

I am old.

I don’t feel old.

I am overweight.

I want the weight gone.

Losing the weight irritates me.

I irritate me.

Everything irritates me at the moment.

I want to sleep.

I don’t like sleep.

I lash out and rage for no real reason.

I have no reason to be angry.

Not the neighbors.

Not the school.

Not Barb’s cold.

Not the weather.

Not the television.

Not the lack of games.

Not the lack of friends.

Not the lack of a life here in the middle of nowhere.

Not anything.

I am angry.

My anger is a problem.

Self-reflection is good.

Self-reflection is something I do.

I do not like mirrors.

Self-reflection tells me that I am angry at nothing.

Self-reflection tells me that I am fearful of something.

What?

Failure?

Entirely possible, I do have a past of blowing things right before the end.

I am a good starter.

I am an okay finisher.  This is better than when I was a lousy finisher.

I am nearing the finish of several things at one time.

I am nearing the end of On Volunteering.

I am nearing the end of school.

I am nearing the end of our time here.

I am nearing the end of my girl being underfoot 24/7-she goes off to school soon.

I am nearing the end of a summer research project even though it hasn’t begun yet the end is visible.

I am nearing the end of time to prep to teach a class about blogging.

The hits to my blog have left me with doubt that I should be the one teaching anyone about blogging.

Shouldn’t a teacher be successful?

I am not successful as a blogger, in the same way that I am not successful as a writer.

People other than me like to measure success.

Measurements require tangibility.

I have not been published more than once-stupid Fantages going under or disappearing or whatever happened to that jackass.

I have self-published a lot, but isn’t that like masturbation-done on my own for my own pleasure.

At times I am inclined to think so.

Blog success is measured by views, followers, and other tangible stats.  I no longer have those.

I know better.

I know that success is not what everyone says success is, but I am tired of answering the questions.

Have you been published?

How many views do you have?

I am tired.

I am angry.

I am frustrated.

I am Mr. Grumpy Pants.

I See Baby Faces

18 Apr 2013 8 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , ,

I have mentioned this a few times, but long before I started this blog I used to write weekly ramblings called Scrawlings of a Mad Man (2005 to 2011).  I mention this because I found this one on my Facebook page.  Why on my Facebook page?  I think I was trying to show off some of my writing to an audience that doesn’t care.  Regardless of why I wrote this on August 29th of 2011.  If you look at my archives I didn’t start my blog until October 29, 2011.  This was my first day of going back to college.  I should mention that all ramblings started and ended with some sort of quote.  I thought it woud be neat to show everyone who has been following along what my first day was like.  You can compare this with how I feel now. :)

“Where am I?”

-A. Bourdain

For those of you who don’t know, which probably won’t be anyone that reads this, today was my first day of school.  To sum up “the more that things change the more they stay the same.”  I was prepared after years of watching Barb go to school for World War III in the form of paper, pencils, a calculator (still don’t know how to use it), water bottle, music/movie player, tablet and anything else that I could think of.  I was carrying about 10 pounds in crap, not including books.

What I got was a very entertaining day and nothing like either of us expected.  Bare in mind that Barb’s classes went as planned, it was mine that were not like we thought.  To start I was the only one in most of the classes with any kind of preparation.  It was not needed.  It got worse as it dawned on me that for the most part the tablet we bought for me to use will not be used.  For one none of my classes require anything more than a pen or pencil and a notebook.  For two and more important despite being shown classrooms with plugs for computers those are not my classes.  Instead reserved for people in classes better than mine.  Given that at some point during the day I would need to plug in the tablet it aint gonna happen.

I saw lots of big eyes, chubby faces and people that looked like they were totally out of their element.  I guess getting away for the first time is a big deal to someone who isn’t me.  There was one boy who looked so scared that I almost gave him a hug.  There were plenty of guys with backwards hats and girls with stuff written on their butt. Seriously, why on either of them? I can’t take you seriously.  Just can’t.  It wasn’t until my third class that I saw someone other than a professor that was older than me.  I wasn’t expecting people my age and since I don’t dress my age it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Speaking of dress, my usual code of combat boots, jungle cammies, shirt and military backpack get a lot of stares.  Not some, but a lot.  Given that we have seen tons of people in cammies prior to school starting this was a surprise.  However, it turns out that cammie wearers in town are townies and hunters.  On campus=WEIRDO!!!  So once again being me is not being part of the crowd.  Ah well fuck them backward-hat-wearing-words-on-your-ass-baby-faces.  Which ties into my the more they change the more they stay the same.  I will have to wear my new clothes for speeches, but beyond that if I can find a hat to wear backwards and some jeans (shaking my head) I could blend in just fine.

As long as I don’t talk.  Unfortunately, I talk and I talk a lot.   I was the first to talk in my first class.  I even used the words screwed over and told the Fedex story.  I talked to some students in the second class (the second class did not have a Professor, just some guy who took attendance, told us we had to be back Wed & Fri for a movie and NO he did not know what the movie was…from door to door 4 minutes flat).  The third class I talked to more students in the hall and when it was my turn to speak in front of the class did it like the pro that I am.  I even spoke to a couple of my professors.  So while other students ran in and out of classes, sulked in the seats and tried to stay out of the way I was running towards the oncoming headlights waving my arms and screaming at my top of lungs.

So at the end of the day I am feeling pretty good about all of the classes.  Even the math, Barb helped me get what I didn’t get and I got it.  Did that make sense?  Keep in mind I have sounded this geeked about stuff before and had it blow up so don’t be surprised…

“That makes my face want to turn inside out.”

-A. Bourdain

Next Mutherfucker is Going to Get My Metal!

06 Dec 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“Babble, babble, babble, bitch, bitch, rebel, rebel, party, party, sex, sex, sex, and don’t forget the violence.”

What do mini-marshmellows, spice drops, and spaghetti noodles broken into thirds have to do with Pharmacy?  If you think that this might be the ingredients to a new wonder drug to treat erection failure, female sexual dysfunction, or the latest balding pill you would be in-correct in this case, but most likely will be seeing something along those lines soon enough.  Seems that Big Pharm can’t get enough of the hard cock, wet pussy, or hair either.  Wait…nevermind I will stick with that as my message.  What those three things have to do with each other is watching my wife study for her upcoming exams.  She recreated bonds between various electrons, photons, neutrons, dilithium crystals, and muggles using colored mini-marshmellows connected to other colored mini-marshmellows or spice drops with pieces of spaghetti noodles.

Perhaps if science had involved more food craft projects when I was younger I might have been the person to create the latest wonder sex pill, citrus flavored of course.  I do love the citrus.  I spent the night in-between shooting at people and aliens online watching her construct one thing after another using food.  Occasionally, she would snack on one of her creations, but more often, then not, she would leave them on the table next to a sheet of paper with notes.  Fascinating stuff to watch, totally incomprehensible to me, but bless her heart she tried to explain science in layman’s terms to me.  Okay that doesn’t sound right, I actually understand quite a bit about what she is doing, thanks to a voracious-bordering on the obsessive desire to learn all that I can-so have learned a lot about science in the course of researching this or that.  Not saying I get it all, but enough that I can follow along without the furrowed brow of confusion.

“Blah, blah, blah, I got your lovely-dovey sad-and-lonely stick your stupid slogan in.”

Without a computer, I have learned that I can live without a computer up to a certain point.  I don’t miss the online stuff at all.  In fact it has been several weeks now without Facebook and I have to say that I don’t miss it one bit.  In fact find that I am feeling a lot better about life, not people-people suck, not having to see what humanity now calls “social interaction” and “personal expression through the use of other people’s creative endeavors and clever slogans or memes as you people call them” has me feeling better about life.   So while I still think people suck, and humanity needs a collective kick to the groin and skull, I don’t have to witness the collapse on a daily basis, thus I feel better.  In the words of Tyler Durden, “I am enlightened.”  In the words of me, “I got that 400 pound bitch off of my chest and I can breathe now.”  Perhaps you would like a fresh breath of air yourself?

Who am I kidding?  I am an exception to the rule. I love being that.  When people say, “Find me on Facebook,” my response is, “Find me in person.”  Cue up confused look.  You don’t have Facebook…you must be some sort of heretic and avoided at all costs.  That is right, avoid me if you don’t want to carry on a conventional conversation as I will force you to talk to me in some form or function, I’m crazy that way.  Still I do miss being able to type up a blog, story, random thought, sex thought, food thought, or just a thought in general on the fly.  Plus not being able to look up pictures to insert into blogs is a bit of a bummer, I can, but I don’t want to clog Barb’s computer up with all of my random and goofy pictures.  I thought I would miss reading the news, but honestly the news is pretty much someone elses blog now and I’m not sure I like their style of writing.  Think about that for a second.

“Your world is an ashtray.”

Something else I realized today, is that without access to my computer I can no longer continue making Pocket Books for the time being.  This bums me out, as I was having fun taking my long winded game writing style (perhaps long winded here as well) and condensing it onto one page.  You try to take 9 or 10 pages of text and cutting it down to something that is functional, makes senses, and most of all fits on one page.  It turns out that I use a lot of examples and extra words to make things easier to understand, are actually just extra words.  For example, the 750 plus words that you have just read could be cut down to: Pharm, Food, Dead Computer, No Facebook, Heretic, and Long Winded.

Wouldn’t that have saved you some time?

“I was not born with enough middle fingers.”

Less than 10 days until the Great Holiday Fucktard Migration.  I do believe I alluded to this somewhere else, in another blog, at another time, but the holiday season is upon us (or if you are part of a business, the holiday season was thrust upon us like an unwelcome cock to the face, roughly three months ago) and with the holiday season comes the annual Great Holiday Fucktard Migration where all of the fucktards and non-fucktards (there are a few) are forcibly kicked off campus and out of town for 5 weeks.  FIVE WEEKS!  Haa haa ha ha ha ha aha…hysterical laughter continues for some time.  Sorry.  I and the townies can’t wait for the population to be reduced by roughly 10,000 fucktards for a month.  Now that is a holiday miracle.

Thank you Marilyn Manson for the music, and quotes, that propelled me through this mind vent.

If My Brain Would Only Cooperate Today

01 Dec 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in Sex Thought Tags: , , ,

And here we are or at least here I am with Nine Inch Nails roaring through my ears, my head filled with the thoughts of what I have to do, and what I want to do, but I can’t seem to form a single fucking sentence in either of those areas.  Something I have not read, or seen is the inside of the minds of the men who participate in BDSM, polyamory, or hell even sex.  I have read a lot from the women and seeing why they like participating from their point of view is fascinating and enlightening.  I have learned a lot reading what women have to say on the subject.  Most of what I get from reading the men is either erotica (poorly to excellently written), how too’s (many of which cause my testes to shrivel), how hot she was, how hot the sex was, or good they are.   I have only read one or two men who write personally about why or how they feel about what they do in regards to sex.  Those that I have read have alternated between an interesting to read, but still lacking in the personal angle, to me shouting at the computer “SHUT UP!”  Yes, some writing does cause me to scream at the author to shut up.

This was my subject for the day, but for the life of me the words won’t allow themselves to be put onto the screen.  They won’t even stay still long enough in my head for me to capture the essence to put on paper.  I could start by making a list, but that is not what I want to do.  I spend a lot of time thinking about why I do what I do and why I like doing what I do.  Thinking causes me to question, to seek out answers, and most of all to focus on what really is important to me as a male in the bedroom.  However, sharing that, at least for today seems to be elusive.  The primary word that keeps bouncing to an fro is control, but how to express that from a mere word into a coherent thought?  How to express the subtle tones of the control that I feel, that I share, and I give up?  More questions, you see, perhaps my thoughts are not as formed as I thought.  Alas, today does not seem to be a coherent writing day for me.

Diamond CuffsSince my mind is not in the mood to share, fucker, I will update you on the photo project.  The first shoot was done and went well, from my point of view.  The model was still a bit fearful of the camera, but  a blindfold, allowing her to listen to music, and doing my best to make her comfortable and the shoot go as smooth as possible helped.  I had a list of shots that I wanted to get done and the list was completed along with a few extras.   Plans were made for a second shoot for some of the more complex positions I want to share.  I haven’t had much time to work on the photos since the shoot, but I was able to make a sample, nothing overly complex, just a simple photo.

Happy Rental Renewal

21 Oct 2012 3 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought Tags: , ,

Wheeee!

I have renewed my rental, yes I know they say ownership, of my blog’s domain name.  Did you think I was going somewhere?  Well you can start crying now because I am not or you can start celebrating because I am not.  I leave the choice to you.  This blogging thing is write (see what I did there) up my alley; a small, claustrophobic, dirty, bum filled, and next to the Asian joint alley, but my alley.  I spent six years writing something once a week for distribution to an ever expanding and shrinking audience, and on the days I wasn’t writing the rambling I was writing something else.  Here I get to write whenever I want, about whatever I want, and best of all for me I don’t have to search through two back-up drives and hundreds of folders to find any of it.  I can just type in a search term and BAM (shit I think I owe Emeril a dollar) there is my thought and all associated thoughts.

If you haven’t played with the search bar please do so, even I am surprised what shows up when I type in random terms and I wrote everything here.

I wish they had a rent to own plan, as one day I really would like to own my own domain, but for now I am happy to rent.  After all renting establishes a line of credit.  Not sure what line of credit that I am establishing now, but I have been told that this is a good thing.  Not the not knowing, but establishing a line of credit.  What?  Yes, I know that I am not actually earning any credit.  I was using renting as a metaphor or homily or parable.  Oh, really?  Fine as a dirty limerick.

Since I like to give credit where credit is due:

Thank you readers for reading, commenting, suggesting, inspiration, and taking part.

Thank you spammers for the occasional inspiration, smile, and head scratching moment.

Thank you wife, since I renewed early you will have to get me an X-mas gift (sex), but you will not have to get me a Bday gift (sex).

Thank you friends and family.

Hardly Sexy

20 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Daily Thought Tags: , , , , , ,

I know, I know, people want to read the sex, the Kinky Fuckery, so do I, but I’m feeling like crap.  Crap is not sexy.  If crap is sexy to you, please keep that to yourself.  Today is the first day in three that I have NOT slept for 12 to 16 hours in a row.  Today is the first day that I have felt like actually trying to do something other than stare at Spongebob, Dora, and the plethora of cartoons that my kids get to watch because I am asleep and unable to change the remote.  Okay I admit that I turned Spongebob on, he makes me laugh.

Five days ago I had such glorious plans of sex, debauchery, and best of all writing about the sex and debauchery.  Today, I am looking at a list of sex and debauchery covered by wrappers of cough drops, tissues, and the detritus that is being sick.  Trust me I want to put the sex doodles to work.  I want to write about more advanced bondage positions than spread eagle, to show you different ways to use cuffs or at least illustrate as best I can different ways to use cuffs.  Alas, sinus funk does not have me thinking about sex beyond that vague thought of cough, cough, sniffle, I should write something damnit!

But what about writing about other stuff…ugh, being sick or at least when I get sick, I collapse asleep and do nothing.  Which means other than the few things that I have written about, I don’t have anything to write about that isn’t being sick.  Today is a bit different, in that I am feeling better.  I was able to finish my latest Nature Study paper.  I am not proud of this paper, but I did give it my sick best.  I was out in the woods trying to take pictures and crawl through the underbrush while sneezing hard enough that I almost launched my camera into the stream.  However, I cut short my trip which meant that my paper is also cut short.  Such is life when sick.

I was able to look at InDesign without my eyes crossing and falling asleep on the keyboard (true story, recently I was trying to study for a test and fell asleep on the keyboard, suffice to say I did not do well on the test).  Now the new and improved FU! Crockpot is up to 12 pages in the new layout with 16 left to go.  I was going to work on On Volunteering, but I am waiting for roughly 8 edited chapters back, so I think I can wait for them before sending out another one.  I was thinking about writing some more fiction, but my brain refuses to latch onto anything other than base concepts.  Witness the last few blogs if you think I’m kidding about base concepts.

Alas, I know that this will continue for at least one or two more days before I am back to operating at 110%  As soon as I am back to normal I promise you a deluge of sex (y) blogs if nothing else to cross them off my list of blogs I want to write about.  Until then I leave you with this picture from Naked in Life.  She was trying to do a fall theme, she loved doing holiday themed pics, so she bought some plastic fall leaves.  It was a fun photo-shoot trying to make plastic leaves look “natural.”

What Can I Say?

04 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Food Thought Tags: , , , , , , , ,

What can I say?

Ah, here is a big one, until I buy a cookbook on Indian cuisine I will not be learning how to cook Indian food from another person.  That sucks.  I was hoping that even though the mystery boyfriend who is so threatened by my overt, and blatant sexuality, banned her from talking to me that he would at least allow her to teach me how to cook Indian food.  This love of mine, learning how to cook, which is further refined into cuisines that I know nothing about was the first connection that we shared.  The connection was actually so cool and so strong that I am surprised that she is allowing someone to tell her that she can’t do something.  Alas, not my problem, in that there is nothing that I can do and while I did tell her to walk away, I was still hopeful that I would still be able to learn how to cook from her.  After all I have yet to see sex spontaneously break out in the middle of a kitchen in full on cooking mode.

So to all of the cooking people who read this blog and I know that I have a small group of cooking people, could you please, if you know, suggest some cookbooks on Indian cooking that you would recommend to a good friend?  Please.

Here is another thing that I can say about today, I finished my Nature Journal assignment.  For those who haven’t been following along as part of my Nature Study class I had to pick a spot where I would write regular journals about the goings on in and at my nature spot. The first assignment was huge, and I was okay with that as that assignment was the foundation.  I was not prepared for the second assignment; didn’t seem that difficult, until I was smack in the middle of my spot which turns out to be more swamp than woods like I thought.  This swamp land by the way is way more common here in Michigan than I knew.  Still the assignment was short on the questions, but long in the answer department.  The upshot, my nature journal is cool looking and more importantly done.

Oh here is another thing, a few people after reading my last blog, were concerned since there seems to be a trend of negative posts about people and college life.  I don’t think that they read the post where I talk about how my mood changes for this month, but that is neither here nor there.  Some people were concerned and I want to say thank you for your concern.  Other people, those have known me for over five years, were not concerned and understood that these things happen to me a lot and just wanted to make sure that I had not done anything stupid, which is also something that I tend to do on occasion.  Overall, reception to Today I Lost a Friend was a lot more positive than I expected.  I am thinking about writing a companion piece based upon the conversation we had to have with our son today.  He wanted to know why the girl that he could talk Minecraft with was no longer going to be over.  Both my wife and I had a long talk with him, suffice to say the talk had a lot to do with emotions, self-confidence, and female empowerment.  I’m curious if my readers would be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Empowerment?

I seem to have asked a couple of things of people who are reading this post.  Allow me to recap them here:

  • Can someone please suggest one or more cookbooks on Indian cuisine to me?  I really want to learn.
  • Would you be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Female Empowerment?  This was a conversation that my wife and I had with our son over the fallout from Today I Lost a Friend.

Processing in the Land of the Sexless

22 Sep 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Deep Thought, Kinky Fuckery, Sex Thought Tags: , , , , , , ,

Shivelbush.

I have finally gotten some time to start to think and process my thoughts.  This week and the weeks prior to this week have been a bit of a rush of do this, do that and try to remember to do this and that together.  This semester has been more work intensive than I expected by a long shot.  I expected that working on the On Volunteering book was going to take up a lot of my time, but I was not prepared for how much of my time the Nature Study class is taking up and how much extra work that the Book Layout class is also taking.  I am not complaining, well I am complaining about the daily printing that I have to do for the Nature Study class, if the professor would only release everything on Sunday for the following week my life and printer would be a little happier.  That aside I am enjoying what is happening this semester, just more work than I was planning on.

Thankfully I was able to make a shit ton of notes for blogs and other things that I wanted to write about done before the semester started.  Unfortunately I haven’t been able to work on them beyond the occasional drib and drab here and there.   So please bare with me as I work through some things and thoughts that have been roaming around the back of my brain for about a week.  I promise there will be at least one picture for your visual stimulation, just in case the words bore the shit out of you.  See I care about my readers.

One of the things that has been on my mind is doing something more with Project Kinky.  I know this is my movement and I should have more of a plan, but…well…I’m not really sure what to do with my idea to try to get kinky more mainstream and in a less Fifty-Shades way and a more realistic way.  I like the T-shirts and they have been popular in that “Oh look at that” or “OH, look at that” way, but no traction there.  I have yet to get stickers made, but when I do trust me they will be stuck all over the damn place if nothing else just because making them is such a pain in the ass.   That is right, I will spitefully stick stickers everywhere in spite of myself and the stickers or something like that.   I don’t know, I like the idea, I like the concept, but in all honest the Kinky Fuckery line of blogs is SOOOOOO much more popular and addressing things that people seem to want to know about.  Maybe I should combine Project Kinky with the Kinky Fuckery stuff?

Speaking of Kinky Fuckery, I have at least four different blogs that I will to write or want to write if I can get some more input on; an entire Bondage for series (Bondage the Next Generation, Bondage for the Talented, Bondage for the Gifted, Bondage for the Knot Impaired), a blog or two about “rough” sex which is turning out to be more of a research challenge than I expected.  Seems I am currently surrounded by people who don’t want to talk about sex.  Hell, in some cases I wonder if they are even having sex (this is a whole other line of thought, a very sad line of thought).  Which makes my usual method of gathering information problematic at best.  I don’t want to spit out information from books, websites and other impersonal data.  I want to be able to share information and stories that people hopefully relate to.   Alas, finding people who are willing to talk about their sex life in an open and honest way has been a bit of a tooth pulling experience since we got up here.   Teeth pulling to the point that now I toss out some minor question or statement with the expectation that nobody will be able to respond or will give me that blank stare or shocked look (seriously I am on a college campus where bringing up sex gets a shocked look more than I would like to talk about).  This saddens me, but at the moment there’s not much I can do about that…unless I start some sort of student organization…hmmm….

Those two subjects are not the only ones bouncing through my head, I have not touched any of the stories that I was writing since I said that I was going to print them off, review, edit and make any course corrections.  I haven’t even thought about them.  That was not my plan at all.   I was hoping to get back into the flow of putting out more than Menagerie, which by the way I am happy with the direction that the story is going (Darin is a great co-author), but I was hoping to start up Stroud, and Hero? by now.  Probably not going to happen for a while longer.  For those who have been waiting for some new erotica, you are going to have to wait a bit longer.  Part of the process of writing erotica for me is to have some form of inspiration, but if I can’t even get a conversation about sex started around here what in the hell am I going to do for erotica inspiration?  If you have an answer for that or even some inspiration I will gladly start writing some more erotica.   Speaking of erotica, I have edited and revised ALL of the stories that are on here, but I don’t know what I should do with them, suggestions?

Sitting at around 900 words and I haven’t even gotten to food.  I have been wanting to share some of the spicier things that I have been cooking and how trying to talk to people about cooking is in many ways like trying to talk to them about sex.  I guess I don’t look like a cook and thus people don’t listen to what I have to say about cooking.  [shrug] Apparently I have a lot more on my mind than I thought.  Perhaps in the interest of your eyes, my fingers and brain I will break this up into a second post later today.  And then there is the 500th Blog Extravaganza in three more posts (pretty much either today or tomorrow unless I slow my roll down).

Finally, a big, huge, heartfelt, and well meant

THANK YOU

to everyone who reads this blog.  I appreciate each and every view, read, comment, spam (yes I have learned to appreciate spam), and search term that leads you the reader here more than I can express.  Please keep reading.

Surf-Montana

18 Aug 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought Tags:

One day I will be an adult, with adult things, beyond the adult toys.  Until that time I will continue to have fun.   Many years ago when I was young I went to Montana (thank you Big Man for the Surf Montana logo).  The goal was to help a friend start-up a business using his newly gotten wealth.   While by most measures my trip was a disaster, for me even today, my trip was one of those watershed life moments.  I don’t have a lot of those.

I could tell you about the trip out there and how I know for a fact that when you take a windshield coated in dirt and dust, add a generous splash of cow urine (from a passing cattle truck) and a sudden downpour (common out that way) that you get a thick, stinky sludge that will keep windshield wipers from operating at peak efficiency.  I could further tell how in order to avoid a head on collision I had to stick my head out of the window while driving and make a hole in the thick, stinky sludge with my hand.  I could tell you that, but I won’t.

I could tell you how that if you are traveling out west that you had better find out when the Sturgis Biker Rally is.  Not because bikers are bad people, but because they like having hotels and motels to stay and there are a lot of them.  So much so that the nearest hotel to where I had stopped for the night was over 100 miles away, there is a lot of dead space out west.   I could tell you how I overheard a man on the pay phone (remember those) next to me finding out that the local campground had one place left and that I being the resourceful young man I was back then took my Omni (remember those) with the hole in the think, stinky sludge window and raced out of the gas station to get that last spot.  I could tell you how I spent a night in a thunderstorm, in my car, in that campsite, watching drunk bikers piss on the telephone pole and fuck in tents all around me.  I could tell you that, but I won’t.

I could tell you about driving up a mountain, in a car not meant for anything other than flat roads or steep declines, I got to witness lightning strike the top of the mountain and how at the top of the mountain, I saw an entire valley laid out before me and the most ominous storm clouds I have ever seen rolling into the valley.  I could tell you about how back when I made my trip that being from Detroit was a scary thing in and of itself, how the really nice people when they asked where I was from would take a visible step back from me when I told them.  Of course they didn’t know where Ann Arbor, Westland or any other place I had been was, but the knew Detroit and they stepped back just in case this white kid wearing a hoodie, cammies and smelling like he hadn’t bathed in two days (I hadn’t) might kill them right there just because he was from Detroit and that was what they had heard.  I could tell you that, but I won’t.

I could tell you how I was so hungry at one point, after discovering that my business partner had knocked up his girlfriend and wasted a ton of the money before I got out there (something he probably should’ve told me before I left) and staying in a place with no working water, electricity or anything else, I tried to run over a pheasant with my car.  Pheasants are clever birds and fast and delicious, if you can run them over with your car and then cook them.  I could not.  I could tell you that, but I won’t.

I could tell you that I drove on a road that had no speed limit until you reached a three building town; a bar, a police station and a hotel, which were preceded by speed limit signs 55, 45, 35-the three buildings, one cop car and mandatory drunk a half-mile later-35, 35, 55 speed limit signs.   Each three building town was roughly 50 to 60 miles apart and you did not follow the speed signs because you were doing 80 to 100 miles an hour and you hoped that a drunk didn’t pull out in front of you (happened once) or a cop was sitting there (didn’t happen at all).  You just blew through the three building towns.  I could tell you about that, but I won’t.

I could tell you about the long horn cattle on a hill in South Dakota, how I was told that there would be a highway patrol car sitting in the middle of the very first cross path between highways, there was indeed a highway patrol car sitting there (that was the only police I saw the entire 400+ mile round trip), how I saw blue skies that I have only recently seen again up here (prior to moving up here the closest I got to seeing those blue skies was on Arby’s posters and sometimes that made me misty eyed), how I got to see and drive through mountains, how I saw the Mississippi River after the flood and could still see the high water marks on the cliffs, how there is a place known as Wall Drug where the advertisements start two states away on either side (turns out they have signs EVERYWHERE the photo is of a sign in Amsterdam) and how Wall Drug is one giant tourist trap.  I could tell you these things, but I won’t.

I could tell you how when I got back after sleeping most of the way home, only waking up to find out that I had missed the Testicle Festival by one day, that I got my shit together and started working on becoming the person I am today.  I could tell you that it was a long road.  I could tell you that, but I won’t.

Let’s Do the Time Warp…

12 Aug 2012 3 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought Tags: ,

What day is it?

Seriously.

I woke up convinced that today was tomorrow.  Then I find out through the televised calendar that is Nickelodeon, that today could be Sunday.

What?

No, today is Monday.  I went to bed, it was Sunday and thus today is Monday.

Hmm…maybe late last night was indeed Sunday due to the clock being past midnight, so if I go to sleep and its Sunday when I wake up it must be Monday.  Yes, that’s right.

No, damnit, that is cat logic.  Go to sleep and when I wake up it will be a new day.  That doesn’t work for me.  I’m not a cat.

Am I?

A quick frisking, nope not a cat, no fur where it shouldn’t be.  Just a man confused.

I would check Facebook, but I know my wall will be filled with those pictures with large words that are meant to be funny, clever or moving written all over them.  I don’t know who creates the original, but that person is the clever, smart or moving person.  Everyone else is just borrowing their thoughts.  I think I understand, creating something original is a pain in the butt, so why not find something that says what you thought you wanted to say and use that.  Hell, I do that with a lot of the images I use, but the thoughts around the images are mine and that is where I get annoyed.  Sure I find some of them funny, but most of them actually make me wonder, “Is this really the message you want to use to identify yourself with?”  Sorry, just a minor gripe of mine and one of the primary reasons why I don’t check my page that often, just tired of looking at someone else’s message being passed around as your thought.

I could check Twitter, but it only tells me how long ago the last Tweet from someone was, thus according to Twitter it is now 15 minutes from now.  AHHHHHh….that’s not a day.

Okay, some markers are coming in now, so unless some major social function that involves a lot of people wearing their Sunday Best is going on the church-folk are returning home.  Thus, today should be Sunday.  My computer insists that today is Sunday, but I have learned not to trust what my computer says.  It famously told me that that porn site was a safe and FUN place to be.  WRONG a virus laden hell hole with “women” on it that I wouldn’t wish upon my worse enemy.  Check that, “women” that I would wish upon my worse enemy.  I’m starting to feel more in touch with today or maybe just myself, those supposed to be furry spots are nice and comfy.

Now what do I do with this new day that I was not expecting?

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