Love, Emotion, Confidence and Female Empowerment

27 Oct 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Sex Thought Tags: , , , , , ,

Preface and a request:  I wrote this roughly two weeks ago, my original goal was to get as many women as possible to read this blog and comment on the blog.  I talk about this in the second paragraph.  Unfortunately, this has not panned out as planned.  So I decided to go a different route, if you read this and you want YOUR comments, thoughts, and suggestions in the blog I have included a downloadable copy at the end.  Put your comments into the document in a color other than green and I will add them to an updated version of this blog, send to yukihyo109@aol.com.  I welcome any and all comments that add to the conversation.

Allow me a paragraph or two to give you some background.  As you may know, I recently lost a friend; I still value her as a good friend.  However, she is not the first woman to exit my life at the behest of a boyfriend or husband.  Part of the fallout from the loss of this friend was being forced to have a conversation with my son, over dinner, about why she would no longer be coming over here to visit.  I know that my son does not understand everything that was said.  I will be honest, I was not in the best of moods having to tell my son about how some (not all, by any means) women behave in regards to having a significant other, be that a boyfriend or husband.  I was fully expecting my wife to step in, stop the conversation, and say not true.  She did not stop me; she confirmed much of what I was saying both through personal experience and through the experiences of the female friends that she has had.

You will notice different colored text throughout this blogs.  Each color is the thoughts of a different woman.  I did not edit them.  Those thoughts that were more content suggestion were removed, if I used them to expand upon content, otherwise all is as each woman wrote.

How do I explain to your son that there will be women who will stay with a man no matter what?  That was the question before me.

Love

The romantic music cues up, the man and woman clasp hands, their eyes meet, sexual tension is in the air, their faces slowly move together until they meet in a passionate kiss.  The romantic music reaches the crescendo, and the couple walks off or fades off the screen.  All is well.  Love conquered all.  They will live happily ever after.

Great.  That is what Hollywood wants everyone to feel when they leave the theatre or finish watching a movie.  Unfortunately, that is not the truth.  Love is not…well…

I blame the word love.

Love is driven forth as the be-all-end-all for women.  In fairy tales and Disney movies from the time we’re little girls, perpetuated in magazines and romantic comedies when we get older.  Love is not the be-all-end-all.  Love is a lot of things, but only looking for love usually leads to trouble.  I wish I could count up the number of women I have known who have told me, or Barb, that they were in love after one or two dates, or even worse after a night sex.  I don’t believe love works that way, I am sure that there are plenty of people that do.  I know that being in love is the standard of being in a relationship and being in love is part of a lasting relationship, but before love should be compatibility, respect, and trust.  I think women should find someone that they are compatible with, who they respect and respects them, and someone that they trust and trusts them instead of only looking for love.  A person will find “love” many times, this is a fact, but those who only look for love rarely find love, they find faux love which leads to trouble.  Too many women also equate sex with love. 

Sex

I was taught the following about sex:

  • Sex is great.
  • Sex can lead to children.
  • Sex is not love.
  • Sex and love are compatible.

This seems to be what a lot of women are taught or believe about sex:

  • Sex is love.
  • You cannot have sex without love.
  • Sex can lead to children.
  • Sex and love are inseparable from each other.
  • Having sex means that you are loved.
  • Having sex means that all is right with the relationship.

I know and have known far too many women who believe that sex is love.  Sex is an expression of their love and an expression of his love for her.  If she is not having sex with him, then they are not in love, that there is a problem in their relationship.  That if he is having sex with her, that all is right, they are in love, no matter the fights, the cheating, the abuse, no matter what.

Sex is an important part of any relationship, but sex should not be the only measuring stick of how good a relationship is or isn’t; a marker of the status of the relationship, by all means.  I understand that sex is an important part of any relationship.  I have had some great sex that I wanted to continue having, but I have never confused sex with love.  Sex, is sex.

Emotion

Part of the answer to the question is, there are women who feel that they have to have a man.

  • Society tells them that they need a man.
  • Parents tell them that they need a man.
  • Other women tell them that they need a man.
  • Cosmo tells them that they need a man.  

I understand the desire to have a companion that is why we seek out connections with the opposite sex (or same sex).  Remove the labels-dating, marriage, and sex- the primary reason is to make a lasting connection with another human being.  This is where things split between men and women.  Rarely do you find a man like this, but they are out there.  My ex wouldn’t take the hint and go away no matter how crappy I was to him.  But he was really stupid. 

Men, well speaking as one, I never felt the need to have a girlfriend that no matter what she did or what she said that I would keep her around.

  • If my girlfriend made unreasonable demands upon me, she was out.
  • If my girlfriend and I fought all of the time, she was out.
  • If my girlfriend and I were no longer compatible, she was out.
  • If my girlfriend ever told me that I had to choose between her or another person that I valued, she was out.

The majority of men that I have known and bothered to pay attention to their dating life were the same way.

Women, well here is what I have seen and experienced a lot of:

  • The boyfriend makes unreasonable demands, keep him.
  • The boyfriend and woman fight a lot, keep him.
  • The boyfriend and girlfriend have nothing in common, keep him.
  • The boyfriend and girlfriend are no longer compatible, keep him.
  • The boyfriend makes the girlfriend choose between him and other people that she values, keep him.
  • Boyfriend rapes or beats the living crap out of the woman, keep him.
  • Boyfriend criticizes/demeans/emotionally abuses woman, keep him.
  • Boyfriend is a serial cheater, keep him.
  • Boyfriend is a deadbeat/loser/piece of crap, keep him. 

Some women believe that the boyfriend will change if she stays around- that she can ‘fix’ him.  There’s a difference between a ‘fixer-upper’ and a money pit though, the majority of these women don’t know when or even how to get out of a bad or dangerous relationship.  In my view there is no such thing as a person that you can “fix.”  I am not sure where that term or belief came from especially in regards to the amount of effort that women supposedly put forth to “fix” a man, but this is another blog.

Self-Confidence

Lack of self-confidence.  I have been teaching both my boy and my girl about self-confidence.  To believe in themselves and their decisions no matter what other people say or tell them.  To make a decision and stick by their choice until evidence comes along that causes them to rethink their original decision.  Many women I know lack self-confidence; they do not believe in themselves, and they do not believe that they are worthy of someone better.

There are many reasons why women believe that they will not find another man or another man will not want her:

  • Body image
  • Education
  • Personality issues
  • Job
  • Being told that they won’t
  • Society
  • Magazines
  • Moview
  • Perceived Lifestyle
  • and many more.
  • ‘Can’t find a better man’ –Pearl Jam

These reasons, rarely if ever just one, leads a woman to honestly believe that she, that she is not good enough for someone better.  Or that someone better wouldn’t want to be with her?  In each woman, this belief has originated from a different place, but has internalized inside them and no amount of telling that they are good enough, that they do deserve better, will alter how they feel. –this self perception?

Self-perception plays a large role in self-confidence and the message from just about everywhere is that you are not good enough.  I have been told this by many women, that the message from family, friends, media, and society is that she is not good enough; doesn’t look good enough, the wrong clothes, wrong body size, bad job, and so on.  If that is the message that they are getting (I believe that it is), now wonder a woman’s self-confidence takes such a beating.

Then there are the women who need a boyfriend because that is what they have been taught.  Not that they were taught about men or how to find a man that is compatible with them, just that they need a boyfriend. They are not a complete person if they are not in a relationship.  Which leads to just about any boyfriend will do.  I have known women will bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend.  I have always hoped that they were learning what they really want with each new boyfriend, but the reality seems to be that they just keep moving to the next boyfriend because they have to like a shark; keep swimming or stop forever.

Worse than the need for a boyfriend, to me, is the need to get married.  I, personally, have only known two women who had to get married.  I felt bad for them.  I really did, their boyfriends or fiancés knew how desperate these women were to get married and strung them along.  The men would use the women for whatever they needed and the women would put up with the behavior because their end goal was marriage and this opportunity (boyfriend/fiancé) might not ever come along again.   Even when the two women eventually broke up with their boyfriend/fiancé, both immediately began the hunt for a husband without taking any time to reflect upon what had happened.

Empowerment

All of the above is great, but where is this going, and what to do?

Watch, wait, and be there for any women that you are friends with is what I told my son.  Do not try to intervene, that can lead to trouble.  That is not totally true, but for my son and most people that is solid advice.  Getting involved in a couple’s relationship usually does lead to bad feelings all around.  However, you can be there for one or both of them to talk to for venting, bitching, advice, and most of all support when the times are rough.

All is not lost, at least in my book; a shift is needed for women.  A shift in how women are raised, how women are taught to think about themselves, how to see through the non-stop “you are never good enough” bullshit that is constantly thrown in their way.  A shift is needed in society and the media, the portrayal of women is outdated at best and harmful to women at worse.

That is where the long-term shift needs to start from, parents with their daughters.  My daughter is learning how to be a person first; how to stand up for herself, how to make a decision, even if that decision is wrong.  I don’t want her looking to other people for the answers or the clues to how she should think.  I want her to be able to think for herself, make a decision, and then stick to what she decided.  My daughter is learning now that she has self-worth.  That a lot of what she sees on television is not true.  Not accurate.  Not a mirror for her to compare herself in, but an illusion that she should look past to find the Wizard behind the smoke.  She is not learning or hearing that she needs a man.  When that day comes, and that day will come soon enough, that she wants to know about boys, dating, and so on she will not hear from me that she has to have a man to complete her.  She is complete as she is.  That she should not settle for less.  She should find someone that can run with her, keep up with her, challenge her, but never ever hold her back.  This is beautiful. She’s going to know that she’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s worthy, and though she’s not perfect, her imperfections are what make her the amazing person that she is.

Female Empowerment

Feeling “Great”

24 Oct 2012 6 Comments

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Daily Thought, Gaming Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“Is that blood?’

“A little.”

“We are going to the health center.”

And that is how I found myself sitting in the waiting room of the campus Health Center instead of sitting in class listening to a lecture.  My throat is raw; swallowing hurts, talking is next to impossible, raising my voice is impossible, coughing hurts, drinking hurts, and doing nothing hurts my throat.  I assumed that the blood in whatever it was that I coughed up was from my raw throat.  Barb did not make that assumption.

Combined with the general state of “Ugh” on my face she decided to take me to the Health Center instead of to class.  I don’t blame her, I’m not mad at her, I too have made decisions like that for her so I understand.  It was a great thing that she went with me because I couldn’t talk beyond this raspy whisper that even I was having a hard time hearing.  So she told them what was going on and they said, “Can he come back tomorrow morning?”

“Coughing up blood.”

Okay that makes it sound like I was gushing forth blood, which I was not.  There was blood in everything I coughed up, but I had to cough up first.  Still that did the trick.  I was in front of a nurse and Barb was doing the talking because I couldn’t.  Then a doctor and again Barb was doing the talking.  Here is the news:

  • I am not dying.  So for those of you who thought this would do the trick, “You should’ve killed me last week.”
  • I have a sinus infection, viral, just have to suffer through.
  • I had a backwards flowing minor bloody nose, which is how the blood was mixing with expelled sinus funk
  • My weight is good, not great, but good.
  • My blood pressure is where it should be.  No wide eyed, leaning back, expecting me to explode in a fountain of blood from the nurse taking my blood pressure.
  • I do not have strep.
  • I was told, much to my joy, to resume my popping vitamin C tablets like they were candy way by the doctor.  As part of Barb’s “learning” she “yelled” at me to stop doing that.  Thus, I submit I got sick due to her “learning.”

My sudden and unexpected trip to the doctor’s aside, there was more to my day.

Someone noticed that I was no longer on Facebook.  She even apologized for causing me to leave Facebook, at least that is how I am interpreting her text message.  Thank you for the apology.  I assure you that your constant “liking” of memes was only a tiny fraction in the over all decision to abandon Facebook.  Still I suggest that you post your own original thoughts and stop relying on the thoughts of others to express yourself.  No matter how cute, funny, or moving that meme is when you say something yourself it has a lot more impact, after all someone knows that YOU typed that and not clicked like.

A day ago I sent Big Man a link to the world’s most awesome role-playing game, and the game is free.  Today he sent me a link to a really cool role-playing game (his can’t be more awesome than the first most awesome game).  Today I share both of them with anyone who is interested.

Awesomesauce

Heroes Against Darkness

I had a conversation with I am An Afterschool Special, that is what I am calling an exchange of comments, today.  Her’s is one of those blogs that I value not just for me, but for humanity at large, because she isn’t trying to sell anything, she is writing about herself, her experiences, and the people around her.  Am I saying that everyone will get something out of her blog, no but you will find some honest moments that could ring true for you.  Plus she has traveled a lot and has a lot of cool photos.  People who write like she does are valuable because whether she knows it or not there is probably someone else going through what she has been and if they find her blog they could get some solid information, some perspective, or just the satisfaction that they are not alone.

However, that was not what we were talking about, maybe it should have been (shit maybe I should have this conversation more often), she is thinking about stopping blogging because her blog has caused her some trouble with the people she knows.  I was telling her that I totally understand causing trouble with my writing.  Before the blog was the rambling.  The rambling would become the source of many a fight, argument, discussion, civics lesson, and so on (If you want proof I can post ramblings).  After a few of these problems I seriously thought about quitting like she is.  Then I came to the conclusion that as long as I am writing the truth, then I should stand by what I wrote, ride out whatever problems occurred and if the people who had the problem couldn’t or wouldn’t work through the problem then that was their issue not mine.

This line of thought was solidified in me rather recently in a conversation with my college adviser, I will sum up the conversation:

“If I offend someone because of my abrasiveness then that is all on me.  I will make amends.  However, if I offend because I told the truth that is not on me at all.  The offended need to deal with the truth and their place within that.  If they want to be offended there is nothing I can do about that.”

FUN!

13 Oct 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought, Guidelines Tags: , , , ,

Dedication: To every stressed out adult out there who has forgotten what is best in life or needs a reminder. *

“What is best in life?”

“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.”

At least that is Conan the Barbarian’s definition of what is best in life.

When I was asked, “What I thought was most important in life.”  Without hesitation, my answer was fun.  “Fun,” was the shocked response!  I’m not surprised, after all after a certain age, people tend to relegate fun into something that they are either entitled too (weekends or vacation), something they have to do (I have to seem fun), or something that adults do not do (I’m too old for that).  Fun gets shoved aside for everything else.  Sad.

F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for you and me.

N is for anytime and anywhere at all.

Spongebob has FUN right.  Spongebob gets the idea.

I tried to explain why I believe that fun is the most important thing in life, but I could tell that I was not, in the abbreviated amount of time I had, getting my point across.  I am pretty sure, upon reflection of the conversation, I came across as an eccentric cynic or a thoroughly touched-in-the-head individual.  Now that I have the time and space, here is what I was trying to explain:

Friends come and go.  

You will make and lose friends for your entire life.  There is nothing that you can do other than be the best person-friend that you can be, and even if you are the best, friends will leave and new friends will arrive.

Family comes and goes.  

Even though family is a finite resource, family members are people and disagreements will arise.  There will be times when you don’t talk to your family, where you don’t see them, and then all will be forgiven, until the next disagreement.

Love comes and goes. 

Love is fleeting, love comes and goes like the tide.  You can be in love one moment, out the next, and back in love later.  Love is not guaranteed even in relationships, sometimes you fall out of love…hopefully you fall back in.

Money comes and goes. 

There is never enough money.  Boom and bust is the cycle, even if you have “enough” you could always use more for “something.”

Power comes and goes.

Do I really need to go on?  Everything comes and goes.

But fun is always there.  You can have fun at anytime, anywhere.  Fun is yours.  Fun is totally under your control.  If you are not having fun, then stop, and find something to do that is fun.  If someone tells you to stop having fun, go away from them and resume fun. Do I care what you think is fun, not unless what you are thinking of doing is harmful to yourself or another person.  Fun is not harmful.  What you should do, is do something that you find fun everyday, every chance that you get.  But why?

  • Fun is relaxing.
  • Fun will reduce your stress level.
  • Fun can provide you with some perspective.
  • Fun will put a smile on your face.
  • Fun is fun!

If you are feeling stressed out, pulled in too many directions, can’t seem to focus on what you are doing, need a break, want to smile, or bored then take 15 minutes or a half-hour, if you have the time to spare, and do something that you find fun.  Even better, if you know someone that is suffering from any of the above, invite them to have fun with you.  If fun is good by yourself, fun is even better when shared with a friend.

Want to know what I do for fun?  Sure you do:

  • Write
  • Cook
  • Read
  • Play

And I know that you can do any of those things and more.  So the next time you have some free time or need a break or for any reason at all go out and have some fun.  Better yet, get a friend or friends together have a lot of fun.  You will thank yourself later.

* If you know someone that could use some fun or a reminder that they should go have some fun, feel free to pass this along.

Damn Girl, You Got a Dirty Mind!

05 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in Random Thought, Sex Thought Tags: , ,

This is a bunny.  The bunny is stuffed.  The bunny is sitting on our steering wheel.  This bunny was sent out to all of the women that I have on my phone.  Yes even to the one that I can’t talk to, in my defense I didn’t add any text, just the photo.  This bunny photo, which by the way is both amusing and cute to me only got one response:

“Cute.  Looks like it is masturbating”

-S.

Upon second glance, the bunny does indeed seem to be enjoying him or herself.  I never bothered to check under the hood.  Given the reputation that bunnies have, a bunny cranking or rubbing one off does not seem that far fetched.  Still…damn girl, you got a dirty mind.

What Can I Say?

04 Oct 2012 Leave a Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Food Thought Tags: , , , , , , , ,

What can I say?

Ah, here is a big one, until I buy a cookbook on Indian cuisine I will not be learning how to cook Indian food from another person.  That sucks.  I was hoping that even though the mystery boyfriend who is so threatened by my overt, and blatant sexuality, banned her from talking to me that he would at least allow her to teach me how to cook Indian food.  This love of mine, learning how to cook, which is further refined into cuisines that I know nothing about was the first connection that we shared.  The connection was actually so cool and so strong that I am surprised that she is allowing someone to tell her that she can’t do something.  Alas, not my problem, in that there is nothing that I can do and while I did tell her to walk away, I was still hopeful that I would still be able to learn how to cook from her.  After all I have yet to see sex spontaneously break out in the middle of a kitchen in full on cooking mode.

So to all of the cooking people who read this blog and I know that I have a small group of cooking people, could you please, if you know, suggest some cookbooks on Indian cooking that you would recommend to a good friend?  Please.

Here is another thing that I can say about today, I finished my Nature Journal assignment.  For those who haven’t been following along as part of my Nature Study class I had to pick a spot where I would write regular journals about the goings on in and at my nature spot. The first assignment was huge, and I was okay with that as that assignment was the foundation.  I was not prepared for the second assignment; didn’t seem that difficult, until I was smack in the middle of my spot which turns out to be more swamp than woods like I thought.  This swamp land by the way is way more common here in Michigan than I knew.  Still the assignment was short on the questions, but long in the answer department.  The upshot, my nature journal is cool looking and more importantly done.

Oh here is another thing, a few people after reading my last blog, were concerned since there seems to be a trend of negative posts about people and college life.  I don’t think that they read the post where I talk about how my mood changes for this month, but that is neither here nor there.  Some people were concerned and I want to say thank you for your concern.  Other people, those have known me for over five years, were not concerned and understood that these things happen to me a lot and just wanted to make sure that I had not done anything stupid, which is also something that I tend to do on occasion.  Overall, reception to Today I Lost a Friend was a lot more positive than I expected.  I am thinking about writing a companion piece based upon the conversation we had to have with our son today.  He wanted to know why the girl that he could talk Minecraft with was no longer going to be over.  Both my wife and I had a long talk with him, suffice to say the talk had a lot to do with emotions, self-confidence, and female empowerment.  I’m curious if my readers would be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Empowerment?

I seem to have asked a couple of things of people who are reading this post.  Allow me to recap them here:

  • Can someone please suggest one or more cookbooks on Indian cuisine to me?  I really want to learn.
  • Would you be interested in reading my thoughts on Love, Emotion, Confidence, and Female Empowerment?  This was a conversation that my wife and I had with our son over the fallout from Today I Lost a Friend.

Making Plans, A Sexual Experiment, Part 1

03 Sep 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in BALLS!!!, Sex Thought Tags: , , ,

I had an idea.  Then the idea got smacked around by me and the people I know when I asked them the following question, “What are your thoughts about planning a sexual encounter?’

In the words of one person, “I have not thought about it.”

In the words of another person, “I like spontaneous, planned scares me.”

Bummed and wondering if I just knew people who didn’t think about sex, in a similar way to knowing the only people who don’t use Facebook, Twitter or any other social media, I persisted and pestered.  Last night was a “break through” of sorts.  Before I get there I guess I should give some background.

I am all for spontaneous sex, but I don’t find spontaneous sex to be nearly as satisfying as planning out a night of sex.   Here is my definition of planning a night of sex: “Have a start, have a middle and have a goal.”   Simple as that, but not so simple.  How do you get from start to finish?  Do you have to plan out every step?  What if something goes wrong?  AHHHHhhhhhhh I can’t even think about these things, sex is just supposed to happen.  BULLSHIT!

Unfortunately most people don’t think about sex.  The most pleasurable activity that a human being can do with another person, and people don’t think about how to make sex better.  In fact, the concept of thinking about sex and how to have a great night of sex seems to be a shocking concept and a foreign concept.  The people I know, at least most of them, just seem to believe that sex just happens and that is how the whole act is supposed to occur.  No effort, no thought, just with the person you are with and BAM great sex.  Personally, I call bullshit on that and after last night I think at least one other person is with me on that line of thought.  Sex like all good things in life requires work to be great.

Before I get into the details, if any of my other friends would like to take part in this experiment you only need to ask and your input is valued and maybe you might find out something.   Okay, that out of the way, Barb, Sara, Zack and I are sitting around the table eating good food and talking about this topic.  The plan turns into that Sara and Barb will work together to create a “plan” for Barb and I.  Zack and I will work on a “plan” for Sara and Zack.   After some discussion everyone decides to work on “problem” areas and see if a “plan” can be made to fix these problems.

Barb and I:  I want Barb to spend one night doing for me what I do for her, in the bedroom.  She doesn’t have to think about a damn thing, she only has to receive pleasure.   I would like that, unfortunately Barb’s fallback position is always “I don’t know what to do.”  This is a bit of a bummer to me since I know she knows what to do in bits and pieces, but that is her fallback position on why.  So Sara and Barb worked on a rough plan for one night of sex where I don’t have to do anything, if I was overhearing correctly it could even involve bondage which would be a first of sorts for me.

Sara and Zack:  Sara and Zack both want to get out of their sex rut.  According to both of them, they always end up in the same position, doesn’t matter how they start out, they end up in the same position.   Zack was less clear on what he wanted other than he wanted something different.  Sara was very clear on what she wanted, she wanted to try out some bondage with the goal being that she has an orgasm in a different position than the one that they always end up in, thus I came up with a plan for them, a diagram and a shopping list.

We have a week to enact our plans and then report on results.  Now I have to offer up a few notes here:

  1. Sara and I were the primary instigators of this experiment.  Barb and Zack while part of the process at the table did not participate at the levels that either of us probably hoped for, their lack of participation could be a problem in implementation of plans made and overcoming any hurdles along the way.
  2. With all four of us in college with pretty busy or intense schedules there may be a hiccup along the way, which may require an extension of time.

There you have the first part of the experiment:

Theory: Planned Sex is better than spontaneous sex, especially if actually thought is put into place.

Result:  To be determined in a week, give or take a day.

Update: For half of the results see, Making Plans, A Sexual Experiment 1.5

One-Year Anniversary: Back To School

27 Aug 2012 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , , ,

Shivelbush.

Roughly one-year ago, give or take a day or two, I started college for the 3rd time.  The first time I wasn’t ready.  The second time I ran out of money.  This time surprisingly enough I am ready and as of this moment I have the money (knocking on wood for the next 2 to 2.5 years).  A year ago I was geeked and a bundle of nerves.  Geeked that my “efforts” from the second round of college which were close to twenty years old were accepted as work relevant to what I was attempting to do now.  Bundle of nerves because I am old, so all of the young people tell me (fuckers), I had not taken a math class in well over twenty years and totally I was unsure of what I was going to have to do in any of the classes.

My first semester was a who’s who of topics that had baffled and befuddled me when I was younger; an algebra class and a communications course.  If you met me today you would wonder why a communications course would phase me, but if you had met me twenty years or so ago, you would understand that public speaking was not something I did or even sought to do.  The math had me way more worried than the public speaking because I knew I could be an ass in public, thus I could speak in front of people, math…I wasn’t sure I could do anything beyond the basics AND I had a calculator that I totally didn’t understand how to use.  So many damn instructions and buttons, what the hell a shift key and alt function key.  Thankfully, the communications class was taught by an awesome professor, Paul ZubE, and was a blast to do.  The math course, both semesters turned out to be a lot easier than I thought.  For some reason math clicked.  I got the lessons, I understood what was asked of me and I had two great professors.  The two classes, semesters 1 and 2 of Algebra, I passed with A’s.  I was and still am pretty damn geeked about that.

A year ago I wanted nothing to do with the students.  I was going to college to learn, not to interact with people much younger than me who didn’t know a damn thing.  That changed.  I started out just answering questions to break the silence in class, then I started meeting people, then I started trying to make a change in the people around me.  I spent the whole year, after the first month, rewarding the kids who spoke up (a backpack full of candy got most college kids motivated), I spent the whole year shaking up their lives in the classroom (I would constantly change my seat which would toss the kids into disarray) and I spent a whole year trying to show the kids that there was a lot more going on around them than they thought or even imagined (culminating in the THIS).  I had fun.  I meet a shit ton of people and even ended up with a few really good friends.

I’m not saying that year was easy there were bumps, but experience allowed me to navigate around them with relative ease.  I ran into a professor who was teaching to an audience that hadn’t existed for close to 200 years, thankfully I got out of the class into another class with a professor who shares my first name who made the subject fun and engaging even though I was four weeks behind when I joined in.  I discovered that I could indeed catch-up on four weeks of work (I learned this while catching up) while staying current with all of my other classes.  I learned some Chinese even as I was not learning what I supposed to be in one class, still the experience was valuable because I learned what I don’t want to learn about even as I was learning about what I could do.

Even with all of my complaints about the student body, the general level of organization and care that the administration has, I was very pleased with what I had learned and done at the end of the year.  As of Saturday, the people who became my friends are back in town, we even had a “dinner” of wings and talked about getting together for study group again.  Maybe one of them will read my book. ;)

I am looking forward to this year.

How I Spent My Summer

26 Aug 2012 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , , , , , , , ,

How I Spent My Summer

by Nathan Richmond

My name is Nathan Richmond, tomorrow is the first day of the new semester and this is how I spent my summer.  Since the last day of last semester I have written 207 blogs on a wide range of topics.  I started and finished an outline and rough-rough draft of On Being a Volunteer a book about my experiences as a volunteer and how to be a better volunteer in grade schools.  I did this because I did not want to have to cram that work, along with the rest of the work of finishing up all but the last few steps of writing a book into 16 weeks of classes.

When I wasn’t writing I was avoiding the sun.  I am a pale person and I want to stay a pale person.  The one time I was out in the sun too long my sexy toes turned bright red, bright pink and finally fading back to white.  Until they returned to white my sexy toes hurt.  The summer started out nice and comfortable coming off of Spring, but when the summer heat rolled in…well that was when I spent many a day in a cool shower or lounging in a tub of cool water, like an alligator.  I said, like an alligator.  While I was lounging, like an alligator, Barb and the kids were out in the sun at the pool.

Unfortunately my lounging, I said like an alligator, lead to the major crisis when Phoney fell into the tub and was feared dead.  For a couple of days, well if you read the blogs then you know what happened.  Phoney recovered from his dip.  Thankfully, Phoney’s “last” dip came after our four day getaway to the far flung vacation metropolis of Traverse City.  Fine, far flung was about 50 miles from here and as for the vacation metropolis, we did have our first vacation as a family in seven years there, but Traverse City is hardly a metropolis.  They do have a mall.  We however, didn’t see anything other than the inside of the waterpark where our kids played and played and played until they could play no more or in the case of my boy, decided he had had enough and had to leave.

Our summer was supposed to be spent visiting the people we know or hanging out with the people who stayed in town.  Alas, the people who stayed in town were not in town for us.  The people who went away I texted or communicated with at least once a week, more often once a day.  We visited Ryan at his job and did not embarrass him.  He visited us and puked up hot dogs.  Don’t eat the hot dogs.  Sara and family visited us on one of the hottest days of the summer and we went to sit in air conditioning.  We had another visitor.  Other than that most of our time that was supposed to be spent out and about was spent here.

This summer we had a major construction project, our Room For Fucking.   Many days and weeks were spent gathering the ingredients to make our room and even more were spent putting them into place.  When we started out the room was a white walled bland totally not sexual space.  When we were done, the room is indeed a Room For Fucking, a room that we are proud to show off.

Barb spent her summer working on her Etsy shop, the Logical Cat, and “my” Etsy shop, Tied Up in Tape all summer.  The kitchen table started out clean and as of today is still piled high with all of her craft supplies and projects in the making.  She went on a creative tear, starting with jewelry, then T-shirts, Duck Tape and back to the beginning again.  Near the end of the summer she busted her ass to get both shops to a point where they were able to run without needing daily attention.  Since this was her first summer to herself since we met, many years ago, and she really flexed her creative muscles.

The children played and played and played.  In between of playing they got swim lessons.  The boy is a sinker and underwater swimmer.  The girl is a floater and fearless diver.  Then they went back to playing.

The big family game for the summer was Pokemon.  Lots of Pokemon.  Pokemon video games, Pokemon card games, Pokemon stickers, Pokemon figures and so on.  Pokemon replaced Angry Birds.  Thankfully, nothing against Angry Birds, but Angry Birds does not teach math and reading, Pokemon does.  My girl wanted to play Pokemon so bad that she worked on her reading extra hard.

With the college kids gone we got to go to places in town that we don’t normally get to go, like McDonald’s.  No lie, by the time you read this McDonald’s will be packed with a line of cars close to a quarter of a mile long every day except the holidays.  We got to go to the farmer’s market almost everyday that the market was open, which meant that we enjoyed the fresh produce and kettlecorn.  Walking around town we found a chocolate shop, frat paddle shop, office furniture and BOOK store all in one strip mall.  Speaking of which we walked everywhere.  We walked to the Kmart, to the college, to Burger King, everywhere.  All of our pants fit better now because of all of the walking.

Walking allowed the adults to enjoy nature, the kids could care less, the blue sky, the trees and the wildlife make living up here worthwhile.  You can deal with 32 weeks of stupidity when you get 20 weeks of peace and quiet.  We saw deer lots of deer, many of them up close, the kids to got to see frogs start out as tadpoles and turn into big frogs as the summer came to an end.  The geese were avoided, because they are mean.

The summer has come to a close.  I started a movement (just me is an idea, one other is a cause, three people is a movement), and I did something I haven’t done in close to twenty years, I applied for a job.  Thus as the summer comes to a close and the new year of school starts, once again a new stage of our lives is starting to unfold.

“29th” Birthday

28 Jul 2012 1 Comment

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: , , , , , ,

Today is Barb’s “29th” birthday party.  I think party is a bit of a stretch.  We were supposed to have more people over, but life has gotten in the way.  Before you start feeling bad for Barb, she is fine with this.  One, life is life and while there is bitching about life, there is no changing life.  Two, as I have mentioned previously most of the people we know are nowhere near us.  See below:

Jessica, somewhere near the border of Michigan and Ohio (I refuse to acknowledge her in Ohio).

Big Man and wife, somewhere in Utah.

Darin and family, somewhere in Oklahoma.

Sara, somewhere in Narnia.

Kyle and Kelsi, somehwere…well we don’t know.

Ash2Lee, somewhere spending time with her husband (who works out of state) or completing her internship.

and so on…the list goes on. This is a problem with moving, people you know are no longer around you.  Doesn’t help that we moved to an area that until we moved here, that we had never heard of.  Doesn’t help that most of our new friends had to move away for the summer.  This is part and parcel of the college experience.  This is not something that we like, but nothing we can do about the situation.  So we make do.

Barb already got her birthday gift, a purple Nintendo 3DS.  When she saw the purple 3DS she squealed out loud like a girl in love (hilarious, cute and slightly creepy at the time).  Love at first sight.  Now the purple 3DS goes wherever she goes as do a bunch of Pokemon.  Barb is happy with her gift.  All of the birthday cards that we expected to arrive in the mail have arrived, which was a relief to her, not necessarily the best of things, but a relief.  The kids have behaved themselves for the most part; something about Spongebob Doodleboob’s adventure game causing both the boy and girl to scream at us how hard the game was.

I finished my checklist of things I wanted to get done, which was another story edited, some notes on future blogs and generally winding down to enjoy the rest of the weekend.  The Olympics are on and she is a huge fan of the Olympics.  Thus the rest of her birthday will be spent watching the Olympics, drinking some mixed drinks, eating whatever I make; the original plan was for a large meal of meat and noodles, but since only Ryan is coming over the meal has to be revised downward, size wise.

Ryan and her will drink and talk about PharmNerd stuff.  Ryan will entertain the children with his copious knowledge of things that they like.  He like me, has no problem admitting and sharing his love of Pokemon, Transformers and other “kids” topics with the kids.  Similar to Paul ZubE.  Odd now that I think about that, people who we know who are into “kids” topics and love them.  Blog topic later.  As the evening progresses I am sure that there will be Terraia and finally crashing.

Well, I am sure that there will be some drunk texting happening, as I have always wanted to try that and with so many people a distance a way, now seems like the perfect opportunity.  :)  You have been warned.

Happy 29th (for the sixth, seventh or eighth time) Barb.  Love you very much.

Motivator

23 Jul 2012 4 Comments

by ankoku1331 in Deep Thought Tags: ,

This is Sara.

Sara is a good friend and part of our extended family.  I do not know who the person in the back is, he is not part of our story.

Sara and I think a lot a like.  So much so that at times our thinking alike bothers and scares people nearby.  We often come to the same thought at the same time or right after each other.  The only thing we haven’t started doing is finishing each other’s sentences.  There are times when we can tell how the other one is doing when we aren’t nearby.

Sara likes noodles and spicy food.  I like cooking noodles and spicy food.  Thus we make a good team.   She comes over and asks for noodles or spicy food and I cook the food.  Everyone gets fed.  Everyone is happy.

Sara is one of the founding members of the Sons of Algebra.  She wants to be a math educator.  When the group was working on getting through Algebra she was able to explain to everyone how to do math in a way that they all got it.  She was invaluable for that semester and then the next when Ash2Lee needed assistance with Algebra.

Sara has a little girl, Loralye AKA Dimples, she is a wonderful child.  We like having her over when Sara is eating noodles and spicy food.  We like having her over when her mother is not eating noodles and spicy food.

Sara has decided that she wants to get back into shape.  Unfortunately, Sara requires motivation.  She came to me for that motivation.

Sara made a mistake.

I am a good motivator.  Ask my wife and kids.  Once they stop calling me an asshole, they will tell you that I get them to do what they tell me that they want to do.  My methods are not traditional.  They are more of what I call “My foot up your ass stomping on the accelerator” method.

Sara made a deal with me, she would exercise at least once a day.  She would send me a photo of before exercise and after exercise, as proof.  I would pester her to eat on a schedule and she would eat better food.  Together we would work to keep her on an exercise program until she got up here and we could work out together or as I like to say, “Shorten the distance my foot has to travel up your ass.”  I do say these things.

Sara, until her computer broke, was writing  a blog (oops forgot to add the link) about her exercise and thoughts in general about weight loss, exercise and exercise videos.

I had been pestering her about eating times.  Thankfully, she started eating on her own.  Unfortunately, I was not there to see what Sara was eating and she wouldn’t send me pictures of the food.  This makes me think that she was not eating healthy food.  I don’t blame her there, but damnit.

Sara stopped sending me regular photo updates.  She swears she is exercising.  Even offering to send me her stinky clothes.  No thank you.  She even tells me funny stories about exercising, good advice while doing core exercises do not let a child bang on the piano.

This was one of the last photos Sara sent me.

Did I mention that Sara is a smartass?

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