Last night could be called the First Non-Study Group Gathering of the Sons, okay that is a bit wordy so maybe…Fun Times Had By All and I am Here To Share Some of Them for all Eternity…Gathering. Well you get the point. For the first time in close to a decade there were a bunch of people in our house having fun and it had nothing to do with studying, it was just because. Well Apples to Apples was involved and that was the primary reason given for gathering, but honestly Apples to Apples was what a lot of stuff revolved around, but not the central focus of the evening. Is this making sense yet?
So that everyone has a good idea of the cast involved here are the participants in no particular order: me, Barb, Kyle, Kelsi, Ryan, Chris, Amber, Jake and Erin. Oh, who are Jake and Erin. Jake is a tall mutherfucker, I had to look up to see him. He is also real. For the longest time he was just a voice over the headsets when playing online and Erin was someone that Chris ragged on Jake about so I wasn’t sure if she was real either. They were and they were cool.
For the record I was, am, still sick with some sort of sinus funk. Thus my “job” was to ensure that everyone else had fun, because for the most part I was not going to be doing anything “fun” beyond cook and feel my head swell up with sinus pressure. As far as I know nobody else was sick. Kyle and Kelsi showed up first with medication and white bean chicken chili. It was at this time I discovered that I could not smell a damn thing and my sense of taste had also left the building. Very distressing for someone who relies on those senses to make good food, but good news if someone came over smelly-nobody did, despite Chris trying to blowup the bathroom and Amber’s wish that he would blowup the bathroom so he didn’t do it at home-I wouldn’t have known.
My biggest fear was that the gathering would divide into two groups, the boys talking about nothing but Battlefield 3 and the girls sitting together texting and praying that something interesting would happen. Turns out that talking about Battlefield 3 is like women talking about shoe shopping. Within a three count any woman in the room eyes glazed over and they get this look of infinite boredom and sadness as the sudden realization of how much of a total dork they are with settles in. It started out that way. It did and I was so worried that the conversation wouldn’t swing away from the game, there have been times when the game has been the center of conversation for hours and as someone who plays the game it gets boring after about 20 minutes. I can’t imagine what it is like to be someone who doesn’t play. Thankfully, the conversation swung away from Battlefield 3 and stayed away for the rest of the evening. The only one with glassy eyes was me as I tried to not fall asleep everytime I sat down. Sinus funk sucks.
So on with the highlights of the evening…
“Don’t you hate that awkward moment when you are having an awkward moment?” That was a Chrisism for most of the night usually directed at Ryan who the longer the night went on developed a stranger and stranger accent. He started out sounding like an everyday pharmdork and by the end of the night had turned into Bill Cosby, which was very very odd.
Jake despite being close to 7 feet tall has a small dick. How do we know this because “King Dick” Chris told everybody frequently. He even used two fingers held slightly apart to gesture about Jake’s dick size and as part of bargaining with Jake when playing Apples to Apples and switching out drinks.
We found out from Amber and Chris in a rather revealing conversation that he does everything for Amber because it will lead to sex. Take out the garbage, she feels grateful and thus sex. Put away his clothes, she feels grateful and thus sex. Backrub, her shirt comes off and thus sex. You get the idea. A interesting system especially when she kept countering that he was being an ass and would not be getting any. Somehow in his head, at that moment, I am pretty sure he was thinking, I am being an ass to remind her about ass and that will lead me to getting some ass.
Chris can write. All of his friends and family said so, which to me is similar to saying, I understand black people because I have one for a friend. Also discovered that he doesn’t listen to music, Amber does, but Chris doesn’t. Thus no music reviews and no movie reviews either because he watches “odd” movies.
Jake could give as good as he got from Chris and was pretty tricky with his wife-to-be-Erin managing to bet a round of Apples to Apples into a blowjob. Of course there were plenty of jokes about “choking on a chicken bone” and “not going to be sucking on any Tootsie Roll tonight.”
Amber and Erin were a pretty close click, sitting on the same chair and drinking out of pirate themed cups. Those cups by the way we bought for the boy when he was really into pirates and ever since then they have been used by everyone for every kind of drink other than kid drinks. Erin spent a good chunk of her time checking her ebay account and Amber spent a large amount of her time getting Chris to focus on Apples to Apples and telling me that she would give as good as she got in the smart-ass comment department. I’m still waiting.
Kelsi who has “been around,” her words, brought over the most awesome white bean chicken chili. It was the first and pretty much only thing that I could taste. It was spicy, hot and cheesy. Made me feel much better. Kyle brought over Dorito Flamas which are fire engine red Doritos that start out with a lime flavor and turn into a spicy kick. They did not clear my sinuses as advertised, but they were damn tasty.
I made wings. I don’t know what happened while making wings. One batch was sweet and the other batch was supposed to be spicy asian. Both ended up sweet and were well recieved, but definitely not what I expected. Next time we do this we have to coordinate empty stomachs with food. I almost forgot but as I look into the mess that is the kitchen I am reminded the Kelsi also brought over no bake peanut butter and chocolate cookies. The peanut butter were very good and I am told the chocolate were as well (not a huge chocolate fan).
As the night wound down, due to Amber and Chris needing to get home to relieve the babysitter, it ended with plenty of hugs, handshakes and shoulder bumps. Despite their being a bottle of wine there was no lesbian action going on, which was a relief primarily due to the potential awkwardness, but a bummer because wine and women in groups of two has always resulted in at least some girl on girl kissing. Not tonight though.
By the end of the night the remaining people discovered that I can perform a trache-job with a knife and pen, thank you MASH. However, the rather matter of fact way that I said it seemed to cause people to look at me oddly. What? I have good knife skills.
So to wrap all of this up, it was a fun evening with nothing more than shouting going on. Strange, Apples to Apples is such a simple game, but it is such a loud game. Plenty of “in your face,” “I got this round,” “these cards suck,” “what the fuck,”"I won,” and the usual in game banter smack talk that I haven’t heard outside of a euchre game. Speaking of which, euchre may happen next time. It was nice meeting Jake and Erin. Jake was what I expected only taller, so tall that I’m not sure what color his hair is. Erin was quiet, but fun with people she knew, she will loosen up around us. Hopefully everyone had fun and will take part in the next one (hopefully I will be well).